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Did I screw up or what?

Published on December 4, 2010 by awesome tiger

I think I really screwed up a great friendship and I am looking for suggestions on how to make amends.  I have a great friendship with this gal I work with.  We are both married.  We talk about everything and help each other sort out our issues with our spouses and everything else.  We have met each others spouses and spent time together with them.  There has been a little teasing and flirting and she has a pet name for me but there has never been anything inappropriate between us.

Last week we had some snow and I expressed my concern to her about her having to drive home in it.  It was after we said goodbye that day I realized how much I cared for her.  I spent all Thanksgiving weekend thinking about it and found I had feelings about her that were more than friendship.  When we got back to work after the holiday I decided to tell her.  I know, that was my first mistake.

I told her, in an email, that I cared a great deal for her and I had considered having a more intimate relationship with her.  But I told her I didn't want to do so because I didn't want to lose the friendship.  She did not respond in any way to my message.  Late in the day I IM'ed her and apologized for saying it and screwing up our friendship.  All she said was my comment was unexpected.  After apologizing again she said "we're good".  I sent her another apology email the next morning and have not received a reply.  I decided I better leave well enough alone for now and we have not talked since.

Trying to understand what she is thinking I can only come up with two explainations.  One is she is repulsed by the thought of a relationship with me and is just to nice to say it.  The other is that she has had the same thoughts and my comment made it real for her and she is scared.  I have no intention of having an intimate relationship with her.  I just want her back as the great friend she was.  What do I do?


Focus all that energy on ur wife,shes ur best friend n she will always answear ur phone calls.after a few month of not talking to this friend,u r going to feel mentally free

Just chill out and relax. It was probably an eye opener for her too but unless she is totally blind to everything (and women aren't) then it was not that unexpected. She probably thought about everything and realized she was at the brink of screwing things up with her husband. Thus she did the right thing and took a big step back. You should too. You can be nice and respectful but it might not be the same for a while or ever....unless the two of you decide to have an affair. Once married it is hard to make good female friends because of the scenario you described and because the significant other will get jealous...AND because affairs do happen! My wife did the same thing you did but it never stopped. Many months later it finally ended once I and the guy's wife found out.

**Almost keep a close eye on guys that are good friends with your wife!!! Even when they are married, have children, and are a friend to you too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the biggest reason why people who are in committed relationhsips should NOT flirt. Flirting is nothing but a disaster waiting to happen! You're married...what good reason do you have for flirting. And that's another never mentioned anything about the disrespect that you showed your wife in this. Your biggest concern is getting her back as a friend. Why do I say this ? Because you basically said it yourself: "But I told her I didn't want to do so because I didn't want to lose the friendship." What does that say? That says that you have not regard for her marriage or yours. That's why she's probably not speaking to you. You disrespected her husband and never even acknowledged it. You screwed up royally.

Not going to mince any words...You are a cheat! Both of you! The minute you and the female co-worker began to share, and continued to share your marital woes with one another you compromised the integrity of your marriage. (I have no intention of having an intimate relationship with her) shakes head BULLS#!* And I've some ocean-side property in Arizona to sell you! An intimate relationship is exactly what you intend(ed) and your not fooling anyone with that comment. You are weak. And your sending emails and IM's to apologize instead of face to face confirms that. If your wife knew about this she would have every right to kick your butt to the curb all the while singing, "Thank God And Greyhound He's Gone!"