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Did I Ask too much?

Published on December 6, 2010 by wildriverdude

I have been dating a girl for 3 yrs and it has been totally awesome, we have even talked about marriage, but she seems to have cooled off and my present status is broke up. She told me that she just wants to be friends right now with the possibility of getting back together in the future, although she says she still loves me, and I love her. Before we broke up I introduced her to a business contact acquaintance of mine to help her better her business. The next thing I know she gives him free tickets to a concert she is going to, they are texting, emailing, talking on the phone, and have been to lunch together while we were still in boyfriend/girlfriend status. I agree to try to be just her friend, nothing much has changed, we still would go out alone, go to the beach, etc, except there was to be no physical contact between us, just maybe a hug at departure, and her not saying she loves me when we depart any more, even though she said she did love me. On another occasion I take her to a marina bar in my boat, some starving artist there unbeknown to us sees her with me and sketches her nude on a napkin and gives it to me. I thank him and give it to her, he was nice about it and we both are not mad. He signed his last name on the napkin. The next thing I know she researches his name, finds his email and sends him an email thanking him for the sketch. I did the same thing because it seemed harmless. But then they begin emailing back and forth, and he invites her and I back to the marina bar to listen to some live music which is also where he works as a part time bar tender I take her there and they meet in person for the first time she is very friendly with him, shows very positive body language, touches him several times on the arm, play punched him, and rubbed his head once, and they hugged two or three times, all of this right in front of me. To interject, I have told her prior to both of these situations that something that I have a severe hatred for is to be in a relationship with a girl and she starts up a relationship with someone I introduce her to, or that she meets while she is with me. I make it very clear to her that I personally feel it is the worst thing that someone can do to a bf/gf/mate, etc, that they supposedly love. So as I ask her directly and she tells me that she has been with the business associate to lunch one time, and the starving artist as well. And these have also have been non business lunch dates, since the business associate tried but could not be of any assistance to her in her business, nor of course the starving artist/part time bartender. She has volunteered very little information about having contact with these two individuals, even when we were in a bf/gf relationship, not sharing texts, or emails, just telling me the gist of them, but appears to be honest and answers my direct questions about them. As I see what I feel is a relationship developing with both of the people I have introduced her to, I begin to feel like she is using me to meet guys, since both times that I have introduced her to someone or she has met someone when we are going out, she has began a progressive friendship/relationship with them, and I reminded her of what I said about how I feel about her going after guys that I have introduced her to, I ask her to break it off with these two with unless it was business related or I cannot even remain at friend status with her because it is so disgusting to me, and virtually gave her an ultimatum and drew a line in the sand. Let me interject this she has at least 4 other guys that she is texting, emailing, and/or goes to lunch with and/or out for drinks with, she got drunk with one of them and had to spend the night at his house alone in the pinnacle of our relationship and swore they did not have sex or intimate contact. I told her that I did not care if she continued pursuing the guys that she met or knew on her own period, or any guy she may meet in the future, just the two she met through me. She told me she could not do that and chose those two guys that she hardly even knows right now over our friendship. I told her the door is always open if she should change her mind, as long as in the interim that she didnt get into a bf/gf relationship with the two, or have a sexual relationship with anyone else, and if that should happen, dont worry about calling me. My question is, am I wrong for giving her an ultimatum, if so how? What could I have done different? Please Help, Wildriverdude

ANSWERS

Hey Guy, I am so sorry for your dilema, but let me say to you that you are a bigger man than I. This girl, for she is far from being a woman, does not care for you anymore. Anyone who can treat someone they say they love or loved would never allow them to feel what you are feeling. I have exes that I still do not want to hurt, but can't stand to be around. Some that I still run into socially while I'm out with either a current flame or someone I am in a relationship with. I still minimize the contact and stear clear of the ex. For my own peace of mind, to make sure the person I'm with doesn't feel awkward and to not rub it in the face of my ex.

There are just common graces that come into play in situations like this and unfortunately, your ex has yet to learn these. I feel for you guy, I have been in similar situations, love is love and you can't turn it on and off with a switch, you sound like you are still in love, why else the ultimatum? Some would walk away and not offer one, some would stay and hope for a change. Some are too insecure to go out there on their own that they choose to keep someone waiting in the wings, in case something better either comes along or doesn't. Not all people are ready to settle down at the same time. It sounds like she was trying to let you down easy and you didn't take the hint, however, what she chose to do, and you allowed her to do, was string you along, when she should have been direct.

I think for your own sanity, you should distance yourself from her, stop being so available, play a little hard to get, it may sound trite, but it works. Eventually one of three things may happen, she sees you for the man you are, which hopefully is a good thing and comes back, you see yourself for the man you are and realise you've wasted too much time on someone you can never grow old with or... you become fuck buddies and establish a relationship based on equal usery while continuing to date others.

Don't fear introducing your future girlfriends to random guys, if a person is going to cheat they'll do it no matter what. I've had partners that I saw bartenders/waiters/banktellers flirt with blatently in front of me. My ex, simply laughed it off and never gave me a reason to doubt our relationship and thankfully kept me out of quarells with them and fist fights with the rude bastards who hit on them.

Go out and get hit on yourself, it'll give you the ego boost you need to get back out there more often. I wish you luck in your future love affairs...

if u were my brother,ill punch u in the face for being so stupid.find someone else,she could give u Herpes

Hey Yob, thanks so much for the reply. I am a good guy, I have never have cheated on her in he least bit. I just had to get another opinion about this situation since I have never had this happen to me before. She tried to act like I was the weird one and that for her to talk, text, email, the guys she met through me was ok, because she was just wanting to be friends with them. So that was messing with my head. One other thing is she doesnt have any girl friends that she does stuff with, just guys. I guess that should have been a red flag for me too. Again Thanks so much for you taking the time to reply to my question. I really do appreciate it. It appears you are very perceptive, because yes I do still love her,,,but Im afraid its fading fast. Thanks again man.

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