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Dating Fears, Scared and Frustrated

Published on September 8, 2010 by xjr09290

I am a relatively intelligent and attractive 20 y/o college student, however I am super inexperienced when it comes to dating or sex. I have always been so focused on school and family, too much so to consider dating. Also, I don't think my standards are too high, but I know my worth and I never wanted to waste my time with anyone who was anything less than I deserve. So, I have always been and remain single. Honestly, I am at a point where I am lonely, but I refuse to lower my standards in desperation. Problem is, I am in college, and guys are starting to come on to me, hit me up for dates, and such, and at this point I don't know how to approach any of it. I want to be innocently flattered and optimistic for the potential. But the only attention I seem to get is from guys who are emotionally unavailable or just looking for sex, or both. I also get much attention from guys I'm not interested in, which I always courteously decline. Bottom line is I am an honest, trusting, and somewhat naive person, and all I want is someone to love and to share life with for once. I have been the unintentional victim of a hookup, and vowed to never do that again, because I felt taken advantage of. Now, I have gone on a date with another guy, and I felt he was totally trustworthy and very nice, but my friend insists that he is likely only in it to have sex. It is fair warning,considering that previous experience, but this thought leaves me almost paralyzed in fear. Here is a person who showed every sign of being a sweet gentleman, but he most likely is just taking me out to get in my pants??? I know many guys my age are not considering serious relationships, but can they really all be taking girls out and acting sweet just to have sex? How can I trust anyone? How do my peers even end up with boyfriends, guys who actually want to be with them just to be with them???


Hello, your fears in this case are your mechanism for warning and protection. I have a daughter that will be going to college soon and I tell you the same thing I will tell her when she goes off to college and even tell her now. All is not gold that glitters and many of your peers that seem to be so happy have many regrets about relationships that they have been in. Many have lost their virginity to boys that were not worth the time of day. Many have have sex and wished they would have waited for Mr. Right. Boys will tell you ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING to get in your pants. I can tell you from experience, in my school days I would tell a girl what I knew or thought she wanted to hear. I would tell her she was pretty, fine, have it going on, intelligent, the most beautiful girl in the school, how sharp she was. I would butter her up and make her feel good about herself and then I would go in for the kill which was to get her in bed. I'm telling you the truth.

Are all boys like this, no, but the majority of them are. Here is a guideline that will help you to distinguish the difference between the true ones and the false ones.

The True Ones:

  1. Will not try to get you to have sex before marriage but will respect your decision. (now if you want to have sex before marriage and possibly alter your whole future, many will accomodate you)

  2. Will not try to persuade you to do that which is wrong in any way.

  3. Will not put you in alms way or in way that will be dangerous for you.

  4. Will not try to deter you from your school work in any way.

  5. Will respect you as lady and your decisions to do right instead of wrong.

The False Ones:

  1. Will do opposite of the true ones and will try to flatter you in many ways. They will also come with some of the traits of the true ones but they are simply wolfs in sheep clothing. And the false ones will definitely try and get you to have sex.

Now, you can be a smart young lady like you have always been or you can become a silly young lady and get caught up in the drama of relationship life. You can seek out and find just a boyfriend or you can acknowledge God and let him bring you a young man that is right and good for you. You don't want Just Another Date, you want to be found by your Soul Mate. The Bible says, "For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts." 2 Timothy 3:6

You have a great future ahead of you don't mess it up, the devil would be very glad to destroy what you have kept for all these years in one day. Keep up the good work and make yourself and your parents proud of you. The world needs more examples like you, never think you are strange because you have not put yourself out there like the others, you are right on track for great things in life. Always remember that God is only a prayer away and he can help you in your time of loneliness. Also, if you need additional information about relationships and dating we have a web site and also have written several books on relationships. We have a mission in life and that is to reach out to individuals that are single and 18 and over to show them the ABC's of relationship from a natural and spiritual perspective. Check us out at: and also read some of our articles under contents here. If we can assist you let us know and remember God is only a prayer away!