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Dating and financial status.

Published on January 22, 2014 by txlonghorn

Having recently entered the dating scene after the end of a long-term relationship, I'm finding it difficult to navigate this unfamiliar territory. I have a couple of questions.

First, as a 45 year old male, my salary is not even $1000 x my age and I am not a home owner. Many women in search of a mate, would consider my financial status on the lower end of the scale and therefore undesirable. Fact is, most of my male peers are much more financially better off than I; that's can be a blow to one's self-esteem. Will my status be a hinder to finding a mate, or will I have to significantly lower my standards?

Second, my goals are to eventually marry, transition into a new career, start (yes, start) a family, and obtain home ownership. Not necessarily in that strict order. Nonetheless, my desired career change will require additional education, thus limiting my available time and discretionary income. How can I manage that and a relationship at the same time? I'm not so sure too many women would thrilled with that.

Bottom line, is there anyone out there that has insight as to whether a lower financial status is an obstacle in finding a mate AND if it is probable to find/maintain a relationship while basically forfeiting income in order to advance myself professionally?

ANSWERS

Hi txlonghorn,

Oh the financial side of relationships, it can certainly be a challenging area. You’ve presented a number of very interesting questions.

I’d like to start with your second goal first. I appreciate everything that you've placed in this goal and I’m glad to hear you are flexible with the order you obtain them.. So, I'd like to suggest this order; obtain your additional education, transition into your new career, obtain home ownership, marry and then start a family.

If you use this order it will accomplish a number of things for your benefit; 1. You’ll be able to initially concentrate all your resources towards everything that will increase your financial status as well as your self-esteem 2. You’ll be your best person when you turn your attention towards dating and looking for a mate. 3. You'll feel confident in your ability to contribute to the care of your new family.

In answer to your last question, It’s quite common for a couple, who is already married, to take turns financially supporting each other while they each take a turn increasing their education.

Bottom line - My advice is to be open and honest about your plans with whoever you date so each of you will be making conscious choices and will know if you’re a match.

Coach Christine Your Tango Expert

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