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Criminal record

Published on May 22, 2012 by msspml

I met a guy on match.com and have really fallen for him. He lives in another city and has come to mine twice and we speak on the phone and email daily. I have been very alert for any red flags and have failed to see any so far. I did google him just to be safe when I first met him but didn't find anything unusual. I(I guess it was because of the unusual spelling of his name) However, last night I decided to google his ex-wife out of curiosity to see what she looks like and found a recent mug shot of her. I then found his mug shot relating to drug usage and dealing drugs dating back about 12 years. It appears that he has cleaned up his life and is working a program. I don't know how to approach him with this information or wait until he says something.I live a very safe and quiet life and would rather break this off now before I get too involved. It is also making me question whether they are even divorced? I know that people in their forties have baggage and I do also but I really need advice on this.

ANSWERS

Now that you have this information and the questions it generated for you, you won't be comfortable with this guy until your questions are answered. If you wait for him to bring it up you may be waiting for a long time.

You know you need to ask him uncomfortable questions. You can start by admitting that you have been trying to learn as much about him as you can. You can tell him you're doing it because you are getting so involved with him and don't want your feelings for him to cloud your need to take care of yourself in the process.

He may be afraid you will end the relationship if he shares the information. It's a realistic fear. However, if he has cleaned up his life he will respect you enough to answer honestly. Then you will both need to deal with the situation and decide what to do next.

Take your time with this and don't let yourself be pressured into doing anything too quickly.

My book, 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before®... Saying "I Do" might help you decide. Check it out at http://www.LaurieWeiss.com/ido

Thank you for your reply. I investigated this further and found that he was first incarcerated for producing and selling meth and did 5 years in jail and was out in 06. The latest incident was cultivating marijuana and check forgery last June. I am extremely disappointed but that I have found all of these things out about him after about 2 months of knowing him, but I am also happy that I am emotionally healthy enough to listen to my gut and end the relationship before it progressed. In the past I would have overlooked and made excuses for him. I have been in a co-dependent support group for almost 4 years and I can say that it has changed me completely.

Thank you for your reply. I investigated this further and found that he was first incarcerated for producing and selling meth and did 5 years in jail and was out in 06. The latest incident was cultivating marijuana and check forgery last June. I am extremely disappointed but that I have found all of these things out about him after about 2 months of knowing him, but I am also happy that I am emotionally healthy enough to listen to my gut and end the relationship before it progressed. In the past I would have overlooked and made excuses for him. I have been in a co-dependent support group for almost 4 years and I can say that it has changed me completely.

Thank you for your reply. I investigated this further and found that he was first incarcerated for producing and selling meth and did 5 years in jail and was out in 06. The latest incident was cultivating marijuana and check forgery last June. I am extremely disappointed but that I have found all of these things out about him after about 2 months of knowing him, but I am also happy that I am emotionally healthy enough to listen to my gut and end the relationship before it progressed. In the past I would have overlooked and made excuses for him. I have been in a co-dependent support group for almost 4 years and I can say that it has changed me completely.

After seeing your additional information (below), I agree 100%. Time to get out.

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