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As much as you probably won't want to hear this, you can not "control" a relationship because it is dependent upon the input of another person and you can not control another person.

The only person you can control is yourself; You can control what you do or don't do, or what you allow or don't allow in your relationship. Draw boundaries for yourself as to what you're willing to live with or tolerate and what you're not. Figure out your "deal breakers". For example, if you decide that having a partner who goes out all night constantly without calling is a deal breaker, than you need to stick by the boundary by ending the relationship. Or if you decide you can't date a smoker, then don't date a smoker. Draw the line and stick to it. You are not telling your partner they can't go out or they can't smoke, you're simply saying that is not something you're willing to live with or involve in your life, so you choose not to be in the relationship.

If you draw boundaries and don't stick to them, then you're allowing the control to go out because you're communicating to your partner that you're not serious about what you say. You're giving them permission to disrespect you by crossing your boundaries because you're disrespecting your own self by not sticking to what you said.

I don't know the specifics of your situation, your question was a little vague. But this is the only thing I can offer to you. Draw boundaries that control you and what you're willing to live with and don't accept the "deal breakers".

-YourTango Expert

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