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Control freak/aggression

Published on October 4, 2010 by sandiee16

I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over 3 years now. We've had our ups and downs and we've learned a lot together and from each other. We're a happy couple most of the time but lately I've been noticing he's gotten a little more aggressive, by that I mean he plays a little more rough. He pushes me too hard sometimes when we play around and the other day he yanked my purse off my wrist and broke the handle. I was upset and I almost had to beg for an apology. I know he didn't mean to because he was trying to hold my hand as he was walking forward without looking back, but it's still wrong. I also think he likes to be controlling because there's a few things he doesn't like me to do but I usually do them anyways but for the most part he's dealt with it and gotten better. I talked about all of this with him a few days ago so he can improve his behavior because we want the relationship to work. I'm just unsure he would actually change because we've encountered these problems a few times before and actually broke up because of that. He doesn't have bad intentions and I know he loves me, but I'm worried it may get out of hand in the future. What should I do?


I hear you making a lot of excuses for your boyfriend. Even if the purse incident was an accident, he should not have had any problem apologizing. It should have come freely. The fact that you had to beg for an apology is a very bad sign. You need to take these 'red flags' seriously. This aggression will only get worse with time, not better. If he doesn't recognize it as a problem and take the initiative to get help with it, you are in big trouble. I would suggest you take care of yourself by leaving this relationship immediately.

What you're describing will only escalate over time. Dating is like starting a new job ... you learn as you go and the initial good feelings are replaced by reality over time. It sounds to me like you're justifying your boyfriend's behavior. If he's rough, and behaves in a manner that breaks your purse, believe me, he can do much worse and probably will in the future. You're getting what I call the "Uh Oh" feeling. You know in your heart that something is very wrong but you're trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. You deserve a man who respects you, treats you like fragile crystal, and loves you for who you are. Anything else is not good enough. Get out while the going is good - and if you need help with an exit strategy, I can help.

Thank you, I'd like to say that I broke up with him last week. I'm finally going to move on. I felt fine the first few days but now is when I'm feeling the absence of having someone by my side. It's making feel a little empty and lonely even though I have a group of supporting friends that I see during the week. I'm just unsure of how to get past everything in order to get back in the dating life later on.