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Connecting with Old Flame, and both of us are Married...

Published on December 26, 2013 by bennett8

I was sent a friend request on my Facebook account from my first real girlfriend after a 32 year break-up. Her and I were in true young love and dated for two years. We were in love and we often talked about marriage. I was two years older than her but sometime somehow we split, really she dumped me and found someone else, who within a few months got her pregnant, but I did not know this until now. We exchanged items that we gave each other and that was the end. I went through all the phases of post break up, was very hurt, and I also let her go. She was 16 and I was 18. I joined the Army, a few years later was married too and have been for 28 years now. I have two children 24/19, my marriage has been a roller coaster, my wife is a very good woman but there has been trouble along the way. Mostly on my end...but we are still together. Mid November I get the friend request from her. I wasn't sure if I should accept but I did. I often wonder how she was doing etc. within a 11 days we slept together and it continues now 42 days later. She explain, what happened and how her life has been. Her first marriage was a divorce, I guess he treated her bad...controlling etc. She remarried in 07, and she said she was content, but since this time we have both re-fallen in love again. I believe and know that I made love to her like she has never had...and she told me as well. She wants to leave her husband, she continues to tell me all sorts of things like: she cannot be without me, she loves me so much, she cannot let me go, she wont let me go, etc. I admit I am in love with her again, we make very strong and passionate love together. We can feel it and all of that...but I am very confused and I feel like a little kid again. Plus the simple fact that we are both married leaves a very guilty feeling within me. It is becoming harder to function, I cannot sleep, I eat is her.very little, she is on my mind all day and all night long. I have dreams about her, and kiss and talk to my wife in my sleep thinking it is her. I wake in the middle of the night and the first thing on my mind is her. I listen and wait for her text, emails, messages, is driving me crazy. She too tells me that I am all she thinks about, she tells me how great I am...all of this....I have told her we need to stop, but I question myself on how serious I am about it. She continues to text me, but today was very limited but she did telling me how much she loved me...I do believe her and her feelings, but I do not know if I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Maybe if we were single but we are not...and I feel that she is headed in that direction, wanting a divorce, so we can be together, and I have told her that I am not sure, and she states she does not care, she just wants to be with me. She lost me one time before and she wont let it happen again. She knows what she lost and does not want to lose it. If we were single maybe we could do something but we are not. I know my marriage of 28 years is not the best. I believe that we should have split long ago, but because of kids and money we just hung in there. I do love my wife and I care about her but I am not sure I am in love with her, or want to continue with her. I do not know what to do here. I asking for input, am I a fool to fall for all this, even if it were true...I do not know. Any help would be great. Thanks and happy holidays! Ed

I do not know what is wrong with me. I feel like a little kid, it is becoming


Take my comments and suggestions for what they are worth. This is me being man to man. The problem you have is you are unhappy with your wife and you like being with your mistress. I think you a weak willed man who is a coward running from his problems and a bad marriage and creating more complicated problems and pains for everyone involved.

To have a mistress if you choose to do so, you need to understand the dynamics of the mistress relationship: sex with no strings attached and companionship that a spouse cannot/will not give you. The way you are describing the situation is that you are having a mid life crisis and are an emotional wreck. It is easier to run to this old flame rather than work out the issues you have with your wife. I am sure you don't feel guilty because of what you are doing with your mistress. You are developing feelings or reaffirming a young love from the past. You feel guilty because you don't have the balls to tell your mistress that your relationship is only about sex or you feel guilty to tell your wife that the marriage is over. You don't understand yourself or the situation you've put yourself and others in by your indecisiveness.

Be a man and quit your whining. You need to make a decision that is decisive and highlights what you want. Asking for advice when you are too scared to make a firm decision one way or the other is why you are a weak willed man. The phrase "On the fence" comes to mind. The problem with a man being on the fence is that his balls get split open and destroyed on the metal spurs. The longer you stay on the fence, the more blood trickles on either side and the more suffering is experienced. I wish you the best with this Bennett, just be a man, not a love sick child.