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college friends with benefits

Published on July 26, 2014 by lilraya610

I am a current jr in college. Freshman year I had sex with an athlete. I newly broke up with my boyfriend freshman year so I was vulnerable for attention. Sex with the athlete was set up like a business exchange nothing emotional. It lasted for 2 months . 3 years later I am no longer talk to him and I dont like him in anyway because I seen his true colors. freshman athletes new to this school are telling me what me and the athlete did. they were still in high school when this occurred. I never told anyone and he got angry with me because he saying I told. But it seems that all the football team knows and that I am locker room talk. Should I confront him because he is keeping it relevant when it was so long ago or should it not bother me and I do nothing?

ANSWERS

Dear lilraya610,

I can imagine this experience might be embarrassing, and your impulse to confront him makes sense. Unfortunately, what's done is done. No matter how the other players found out, the cat is out of the bag. If you try to confront him, you will probably just get more frustrated. He is not likely to be receptive, and even if he is, what can he do? He can't put the cat back in the bag.

That being said, I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't be bothered. You have every right to be bothered! Who wants their private business the talk of the locker room? No one! ,

You deserve to have a place to let out your frustration (and any other feelings you have) over this experience, it just won't do you any good to let it out on him. Find a private time and place to release the feelings about it. Don't try to will yourself to hold them in. Move them through by letting them out.

Leah Benson, yourtango.com expert LeahBensonTherapy.com

I hate to say this, but this kind of behaviour is typical, especially among male teammates. The phrase "locker room talk" is not an accident. He WAS bragging about you. And guys love a good sex story. If I were you, I would say absolutely nothing to this guy. If you confront him, it will renew all the gossip. Laugh it off and say "that was SO long ago"

The purpose of confronting him is usually to try to make him feel as he made you feel. Its an exercise in ego as you feel the need to vent your frustration and anger at him. In the end, however, you cannot make him feel as he made you feel nor will he feel any affect of your emotionality from what he did. If he were to feel upset by it he wouldn't have opened his mouth. The fact is many men have loose lips when it comes to their sexual encounters. If in fact the connection was purely sexual business then its likely you two never had any boundaries or rules involved; especially those regarding whether or not you would discuss your sexapades. In the end you have to ask yourself whether its more important to be right or to be happy. Release your anger and open space for healing. When you do these things you are not likely to feel such a draw to confronting him.

Best, Laura Brown http://www.yourtango.com/experts/LauraBrown

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