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Chemistry Attraction

Published on November 24, 2013 by runningbear

I need someone’s help Please. I have been divorced for 2 years; I have found a Lovely Lady who has been divorced for over ten years. In that time yes she has told me she has “played the Field” to find love (not a problem for me). I told her I cant and won’t judge! We get on Very well together; in fact she tells me she loves spending time with me. As often as she can (she runs a home, with a teenage Daughter, 2 jobs) The Daughter is not a problem in fact only last night, we were all talking and trying to sort out Christmas arrangements, after it was suggested they went up country to spend the time with the rest of their Family (her Daughter, was upset the thought that I would be on my own (Lovely Thought from her)!

We get on so well together, we laugh have fun (the way it should be) it is just she keeps on telling me “She only thinks of me as a Very Good Friend “! She states she has No Chemistry Attraction to me? We openly talk about her need for an “Intimate Relationship” But not with me! When she finds her Lover etc.???

It is not we are not compatible? We like all the same things, films the Christmas moves now doing the rounds, the same hobbies, interests etc.

No Kissing (at all)! I can’t hold her Hand, Cuddle, etc (the only time we are allowed to get close) is a Warm Friendly Hug!!! I’m a Trained Healer & Masseur She will not allow me to gave her (I think she Loved it too much?) and she is Frightened of letting her “Guard Down”! I Believe this is mainly due to her Being Mistreated by all the one’s that let her down when she was “Looking for Love” in fact she tells me that some of her Searches! Were Friends First! Then progressed and then they were gone! Which I believe she has been Scared (that’s why she doesn’t what to go they again)!

Any Advise Please? How can I change her Chemistry Attraction/Mid towards me ??? Blessings Runningbear

ANSWERS

Dear Running Bear,

This must be incredibly frustrating but the bottom line is you can't force her to feel something for you that she genuinely may not. Compatibility or strong friendship does not always equal chemistry, and the presence of chemistry does not always mean a successful relationship. She genuinely may not have those feelings towards you. Is that a reality you are willing to accept?

The behavior you describe from her sounds like that of someone who has experienced abuse and/or major injuries to her trust. It sounds like she's not in a healthy place to be able to engage in a good relationship because she doesn't know how to let go of the injuries of the past. She may be denying chemistry because she's too afraid that once she crosses that bridge, she'll be sorry.

All I can suggest is decide if you're willing to accept just being friends, and if not, how long you're willing to wait and see if things change. If you can not genuinely live with just a friend to friend relationship, it's not fair to you or her, and you're just allowing yourself to be strung along. Decide what you want, and what you're willing to wait for. Just know that if you decide to wait for her, you may be waiting for something that may never be.

Good luck.

It is time for the conversation. The conversation where you tell her what you want, why you want it, and when you want. You are mature adults....this is not heavy petting. You have needs and if you do not get them fulfilled it leads to resentment. Ask the questions, share your concerns and determine next steps. Life is too short for anything less. Good luck and let us know how it goes. We learn from our successes as well as the times we fail....Thanks. benb

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