Dear honeybee69,

While everyone is different and some give off warning signs and others do not, I have found some certain red flags to be true (and these can be true of both genders):

  1. They are secretive with their phone; always on it but never allowing you look at it and get defensive whenever you ask about it.

  2. They are never where they say there are. Ex: They'll tell you they're going to work early or they worked late but you find out from a mutual friend they were seen at a local restaurant with someone else. Could be a business meeting, but then again, why wouldn't they tell you if it was? Sometimes they'll tell you they're going to hang out with their friends but end up meeting someone at a club. Usually you can detect this simply by asking questions and you'll get a bunch of excuses back, all the time.

  3. They have profiles online on dating and hookup sites. This one's a dead give away.

  4. They always talk about other females, and it's usually one specifically. Maybe it's a coworker or a close friend, but the conversation always seems to lead back to that one person.

  5. They're hanging out with friends of the opposite sex a lot, and they never want to include you. Dead give away. Having isolated friendships of the opposite sex while in a committed relationship is a big no no. If you can't be included in the friendship, then it's obvious there's a reason; usually they'll say they don't want you to be jealous, yet they know they are engaging in behavior that will make you jealous. Either way, it's a huge red flag.

  6. Secret bank accounts and or secret properties. I'm not talking about a secret savings account where your spouse is saving some money away because you're a bad spender. I'm talking active accounts where money is going in and out every month, dinners, hotel rooms, jewelry stores, maybe even payments on properties or apartments you didn't know existed.

  7. Secret Email accounts. They have an email account you know about but you find out there's another one they're using all the time that they haven't told you about. The one you know about is front to keep off your suspicions.

None of these are guarantees, but I have found these commonalities among those who cheater. It the main commonalities are this: Secrets. They keep secrets, usually big secrets, and have behavior that is secretive.

I hope for your sake, you're not dealing with someone like this.