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Is the cause of my doubts the cure for my doubts?
My intention is to love and be loved by a man who is my partner in life, consistent, exhibits reciprocity, mutuality, intelligence, sense of humor, consideration, respect...and the list goes on. Having never had that, having been single most of my life, doing for myself, supporting myself, I doubt whether I will know what that feels like. I have been working hard on myself and have made some great strides but I'm not sure I'm "there enough" to attract the love I want. There are times when it's just tough to 'keep the faith' especially when I am putting myself out there and...nothing. There are times when I am feeling like he's there and it's so possible, other times I'm on the fence. Then there are those times when I feel like there's really nothing that's going to come from it. That I might as well just enjoy the life I am living because really, it's not in the cards for me and I should accept that I'm on my own. Then there are the days when I realize that a relationship is hard work not for the weak or insecure (I don't consider myself either one)and maybe it hasn't come my way is because I'm just not ready or mature enough. My confidence is shaky and I have my doubts because to believe in someone who isn't worthy is painful work and I don't know how much more disappointment I can take.