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can't quite get whats happening

Published on September 4, 2012 by s-b-l-s

the man in question, and i, live in different cities. he travels extensively for his business-related work, and w manage to meet frequently. We love talking to each other and are also physically attracted. Highly. But he has, in a way, stated that he is not looking to be in a relationship. And, neither am i. I'm scared of relationships, and i feel right with this man. So, instead of pressing the commitment button, i want to preserve whatever's between us. We're both comfortable being friends. thus far, its fine. But the problem is, that i have REALLY fallen for him, and not just physically. But i have decided not to tell him all, coz i dont want to pile on n scare him away. so, i dont know whats happening or, what's to be done. are we "friends with benefits", as they say? as of now, things are great between us. easy n open n comfortable. but sometimes i get this feeling that he's trying not to get close, emotionally. i think i should wait it out n be patient n give him time n space. BUT. what if he classifies me as this distant friend, and what if he begins to take comfort in this distance? we might never be able to be close. i fear i might never be able to be that one girl for him. i know he likes me. but despite my strong feelings for him, i fear he doesn't like me enough to give me a chance to get emotionally close to him. or maybe i'm mistaken. i don't really know. and im not sure how to find out. It'll be nice if u could help. thanks


It sounds as if he's not really emotionally available right now. In my opinion, you are very smart not to reveal your feelings. He's so hyper-sensitive that it might cause the relationship to self-destruct. Men really need a lot of space and they see almost everything a woman does as "pressure."

I agree you should back off. You are smart not to settle for being a FWB/booty call. This will force him to think about what he really wants in life. It's a decision he alone can make.

There's nothing wrong with a FWB relationship as long as both people can be really clear and honest with themselves and one another. If he's told you he doesn't want to be in a relationship and wants to just be friends, take him at his word. Ask yourself if you can be okay with things as they are or if you aren't willing to wait around and see what happens, make a decision now.

I would also pay very close attention to the signs that he already has a gf. What does his FB say? Do you know his last name? Do you talk at night? Or just when he is on "your" town? Does he always call you? When you call him, does he answer? He may very well be falling for you too. But he may also be setting up a very convenient Commitment-free physical relationship that is there whenever he wants it. He may be falling for you hook, line, and sinker. Or, he may be reeling you in... Just pay attention to the signs. Been there, got the scar on my gills to prove it...

Hello :) First of all, thanks a ton for responding. He's single at the moment, that i know. And yes, we do know details like last name etc about one another. We have long conversations, but not everyday. Sometimes i initiate, sometimes he does. He's responsive, and a good listener. N problems that way. But, on the whole, im confused. Like, we met up yesterday n ran into one of his ex-girlfriends :p I don't have dating history as long as his, so i was a lil awkward. But i was pleased to note that he wasn't distracted after the lil encounter. In fact, he spoke a lil more about his dating history- something he hasn't done much before. Now, im not sure if thats a good thing or bad, but i liked it coz i got some useful insights into him. thats the thing, u see. when we're together, there's nothing to complain about. when we're apart, we're still in touch. but. there doesnt seem any scope for dating. as of now, at least. so thats making me think, and wonder, "what IS this". that sort of a thing.

Hello :) And thanks so much for responding. FWB r'ships are fine. but the ppl involved should be on the same page, emotionally. Here, this doesnt seem to be the case. I'm a lil more emotional about the thing than he is, at present. So a FWB thingy will affect me badly, n i think i'll stay away from it. But i'll give him more time to actually make up his mind abt his "relationship hang-up. I think he's as confused. Once i know he's sure, i'll quietly back off. Until then, i'll just try to be... i don't know what :( I'll just hope n pray that things work out favourably.