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can't get over an abusive ex boyfriend

Published on December 4, 2013 by stephaniewalsh

Hello everyone. I am new to this. Just though I can express my thoughts and feelings with you guys. So basically, I was dating this guy for 2 years. In the begginning he was very caring, charming and understanding. As time past by, he started taking me for granted. When we met he did not have a job because he was put in Insurance employment after being laid off work and he lost contact of his boss' phone number. I want to mention that he cannot read or write (literally) but i did not judge him, instead I wanted to help him overcome this challenge. I brought him to the library, I even found his boss' phone number for him to get in contact for work and he was excited that i had done this for him. He got back his job, he worked for a couple months in construction until he decided he wanted to make more money (he was getting $27.00/hour!!) as a result, he turned to the street life and started selling drugs. I told him what he was doing was wrong and he did not care about my opinion. After quitting his job, he started becoming very abusive towards me. He hit me, choked me, kicked me with his steel toe boots (left a bruise onmy leg)he threatned to kill me, and he said I was nothing without him, he called me ugly,he said because I am african and he is jamaican that our relationship wouldnt work. moving forward, as time past by he spent 2 weeks out of town selling drugs leaving only me home alone. I was lonely, depressed, worried and had low self esteem and gained a lot of weight. He accused me of cheating on him while he was gone (which i didnt),until i found out that he was the one actually cheating after getting a phone call from his "girlfriend" saying "I have your man cuz u didnt treat him right b****" I was furious. my ex and I lived together for 2 yrs, we bought a car. we got into a huge argument one day and i came home to see an empty apartment and the car gone (gone was registered under my name, because he doesnt have his license ..he cant read so he cant comprehend to get his license. but he knows how to drive).so I had to break my lease and get my own place. I found the car parked at his moms house one time and I simply unscrewed my plates off the car and reported my car stolen to the police. He turned his whole family against me, calling me a hoe a slut.. his sister wants to fight me now because she is jelous of my accomplishements. I have a 9-5 job, completed college, have no crimnal records and children, and I am not bad looking, and I am 23 years old, my ex is 28years old (he has a daughter). anyway, after we broke up on September 14,2013 I am still having flashbacks of the abuse and at times still blame myself for the relationship sinking. How do I get over this? why do i blame myself? How can i stop his sister from threatning me (threatened to kill me)? by the way, I found out from someone else that my ex is not in jail after having attempted murder charges back in America. Maybe thats why he came down to Canada to escape his past?. I need help as to how to move on and get over that CREEP!

ANSWERS

Truth is always stranger than fiction. If you feel that your life is being threatened, you need to contact the proper authorities. The fact that he has physically, mentally, and emotionally abused you is evident enough from your description. The fact that his sister is also threatening you tells me you are not in an ideal environment to learn, grow, and heal. Can you move out of the area?

I would suggest seeing a good clinical social worker. It doesn't mean that something is wrong with you. If anyone tells you otherwise, they're wrong. A good therapist will help you work through your emotions and help you empower yourself in your life. You've probably suffered a great deal at this man's hands. The truth is he made poor decisions in his life and now he has grown into a criminal. It's not your fault. Do not blame yourself. I see this everyday in my life. You can't save everyone. You can only do your best and hope the people that you touch with your heart make the best decisions for their situations. In reality, most people don't. That's ok though. It's about your sincere effort to make their lives a little happier. Just don't neglect taking care of yourself to facilitate someone else's bad behavior. Good luck and stay safe. You'll be in my prayers.

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