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can't get it in.

Published on July 11, 2012 by leah_xoxo

My boyfriend and I have ben trying to hve sex. for some reason he cant get his penis in my vagina. I don't know what's wrong. Could you help me and tell me why this is happening and what we should do?

ANSWERS

Not enough information. Unless he's having trouble getting hard enough or your vagina is tighter than I've ever heard of, the only thing I can think of is maybe you're a virgin and he's being stopped by your hymen being tougher than normal. If it's any of these, it would be a good idea for you to see a gynecologist or your boyfriend a urologist to see able correcting the problem.

Well first a woman's vagina needs time to warm up or get wet, flower! One possible reason could be that the two of you are not doing enough foreplay and you simply are not ready. Another reason could be that your muscles in the vagina are tightening. What I would recommend is that you take it slowly, start with his fingers, connect your body, see if that feels good, don't rush into intercourse.

Leah,

There are several issues that can best describe your situation. Some mental and others physical. On the mental side, each of you may be suffering from some form of performance anxiety. Our bodies move through various phases to achieving orgasm. The main phases are the desire phase, excitement phase, and orgasm phase. Difficulties in each phase are described as follows:

DESIRE PHASE DIFFICULTIES:

Hypoactive sexual desire disorder- absence or minimal experience of sexual thoughts, fantasies, and interest prior to and during sex. Desire discrepancy – not having the same desire, frequency, quality, type of sex. Sexual aversion disorder – extreme and irrational fear of sexual activity.

EXCITEMENT PHASE DIFFICULTIES

Female genital sexual arousal disorder – persistent inability to attain or maintain the lubrication swelling response. Female subjective sexual arousal disorder – absent or diminished awareness of physical arousal. Persistent sexual arousal disorder – spontaneous, intrusive, and unwanted genital arousal. Erectile disorder (ED) – consistent or lack of an erection sufficiently ridge for penetrative sex, for a period of at least 3 months.

ORGASMIC DIFFICULTIES

Female orgasmic disorder – the absence, marked delay, or diminished intensity of orgasm. Female orgasm during intercourse – if it doesn’t occur, not considered an issue. Male orgasmic disorder – inability of a man to ejaculate during sexual stimulation from his partner. Premature ejaculation – a pattern of ejaculation within one minute and an inability to delay ejaculation, resulting in a man’s impairing his or his partner’s pleasure.

When reviewing these potential issues/disorders, consider your own situation and whether or not any of them apply. If they do, look them up and consider what causes might be similar to yours and try the suggested treatments.

I would say that off the shelf lubrication like KY, if your vagina isn't lubricating enough, is a great place to start. Even a half erect penis can enter your vagina if lubricated enough. So take some added time to get to where you have reached that excitement phase. Take time to play with each other. More touching, kissing, and oral pleasure. Discover your clitoris, for which the only purpose is to provide sexual pleasure, through manual manipulation - masturbating! Knowing your body is half the issue. Knowing his is the other.

If you are having physical pain or uncontrollable vaginal spasms, then there is therapy to work through this and possible medication. Vaginismus and Dispareunia are two commonly known physical issues to be aware of. However, if you are not experiencing pain, this is not likely an issue.

Lastly, back to performance anxiety. If one or both of you are concerned about not performing well, not satisfying the other, afraid of failing to be a good lover, etc...then this 'interference' can surely cause a more difficult time with penetration. Communication is the key to overcoming this aspect. If each of you can talk about what is going on, be kind to each other, no judging, and accept the issue, then you will go a long way to getting past this first step.

I always say that getting there is half the fun, enjoying it is the other. The orgasm is just icing on the cake! And great icing at that :-)

(Remember, I am only providing advice. This is not meant to create a therapeutic relationship nor provide therapeutic advice).

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