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can your perfect guy and the guy your in love with be two different people?

Published on April 7, 2012 by ladymagic2

i love the guy im with now, but hes not 100% the ideal perfect guy to me. things about him are on the list of things i want, and then there are some things on the list that i do want but he doesnt have. he doesnt have anything that i dont want...but is it bad to marry him when he isnt the perfect ideal guy i have in mind?

ANSWERS

It depends on what is on the list of things that you want--if they are realistic or unrealistic. If you are talking about a man being affectionate, then that's a necessary must have. If you're talking about a man having six pack abs, then that's a different story. It's hard to know what to tell you when you don't say what he's lacking from the list. To me, a man must meet all of my main needs and not possess dealbreakers. He will have minor flaws, as all people do. I must have chemistry with him, and he must make a daily effort in our relationshp everyday. If you give more details, we can get a better picture of what you're talking about. If you can't imagine your life without him, and he makes you feel special every day, then he might be the right person for you. Only you can decide whether you can live with the things he's lacking. Good luck.

Great question. Here's what to do. Take a look at that long list of qualities and attributes that you'd like to see all wrapped up in one great-guy-package. And then highlight your Critical Criteria -- the elements without which you would be unhappy. Limit that list to 3 or 4, maybe 5 elements. The secondary, less critical elements....let them fall lower on your list. See how he does with this test. The man in your mind is....fictitious...the one in your life? He's real, and he's obviously into you. A suitor at your door is worth a million of them in your mind. I'd say...give the real guy a shot. :)

Do not settle. Women tend to find a man who is 90% what you want and then try to force the other 10% to show up or believe that he will change. What usually happens is that 10% will continually reappear and eventually cause the demise of the relationship. If the 10% is a deal breaker it doesn't matter how perfect the 90% is. Be clear about the qualities and values that are important to you in a marriage and then move forward. One caution is to assess your perfect ideal and see if it actually reflects the qualities necessary for a loving committed relationship and that you have identified the authentic deal breaker issues which could destroy a marriage.

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