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Can you help me?

Published on August 9, 2012 by quitemarty

My name is marty.I have been trying very hard to find a match! I am 53 and never been married! I live alone, work a lot and am having no luck finding a soulmate.i am shy , but try to be as open as possible! I need a little help!! Ty for yor time...peace :)

ANSWERS

First off, some honesty 1) The fact that you are 53 and never married will have many women thinking, "What's wrong with him?", unless there's some obvious reason (such as constant travel, or having focused completely on a stellar career) 2) At age 53, there probably IS a reason you've never married and it will take some time to change what you've been doing for 53 years.

Now for suggestions. Try volunteering for a charity or two as a way to meet women in a casual setting. Find and join interest groups in whatever hobbies you have. Join and regularly attend a church or synagogue (you can meet a nice girl through shared faith, AND some of the ladies there think they are the world's greatest matchmakers and will see you as a challenge to be conquered). Take on a roommate - you'll get increased exposure through some of his friends who come around. Join Toastmasters (they're easy to find on the web) to get more practice and comfort in public speaking.

Make sure you are a match for the kind of partner and relationship you are looking for. In other words, look for ways that you might be unintentionally putting up obstacles to the love you want.

This might mean that you create more room for love in your life. If you work a lot, this could be an area of focus. Is there a way you can keep your career thriving and make regular time for activities that you enjoy and that you can do with other people?

Pay attention to the places where you are living in contradiction to your desire to attract a soulmate and make some changes there. See what happens!

Best Wishes, Susie and Otto

We asked YourTango Expert Debi Silber (http://www.yourtango.com/experts/TheMojoCoach), and this was her reply: Be sure to first know who you're looking for and are you at a place (physically/mentally/emotionally) where you're a good match for this person? Become the person who'd be perfect for the one type of woman you have in mind and you'll be amazed at how quickly she'll show up. But, it starts with you!

Hi Marty, Sounds like the operative words here are "trying very hard". First of all, there really is no such thing as "trying". Ironically, your frantic attempts to fill the void and find a mate are like a flag waving your desperation. That's a loud and clear turn off to women, signalling that "I'm needy." Relationships thrive on give and take, but the "give" usually has to come first. Besides, what you put out is what you'll draw to yourself, so right now you might not even like the person you would attract.

Agreeing with the previous advice, take a breather and an honest look at why you might be unconsciously blocking or repelling relationship. Something must be operating, since you haven't been able to attract a lasting partnership up to this point, right? This could be a great opportunity for you to uncover, embrace and release things about yourself you haven't been able to face. No blame. Be kind to yourself. It's all a learning experience about becoming more aware.

And then really start honing in on the kind of person you want to attract and what you can give, as opposed to what you want to get out of being with her. See if you can shift to a mindset of attracting the right partner to you, instead of just anyone. Trust that there is actually a kindred soul out there who wants to be with you, too, and let go of trying.

Suggestions for getting out there more are good, but the internal shift is the key. You might be delightfully surprised at how "magically" your someone just shows up in your life!

Best to you, Nancy Lee Bentley Wholistic Health Expert

Marty, attracting the person of your dreams begins with believing in yourself. We are all special and unique in our own ways. Create a list of all the qualities that you can contribute to a rewarding relationship (ex. loving, faithful, compassionate, caring, committed, funny, hard working, etc.) Create a second list of qualities you wish to further develop, that is areas that represnt missing elements that if put into place would increase your charisma and attractiveness in a relationship.

Write out a detailed written vision of your list 6 months, 1 year, 3 years and 5 years from now. What qualities will you be known for? What will you do at work and play? What will you have surrounding you in your life? Who will you contribiute to? Describe how you envision your soulmate relationship. Then..set goals to realize your vision. By when will you meet people? How...what is your plan? What daily actions will you take to bring about your goals on purpose?

Give up your right to invalidate yourself, create empowering interpretations that support your self-esteem regularly. Know that your soulmate is out there and have confidence in youir ability to manifest your dream life.

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