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Can two families really be blended together after a divorce?

Published on September 21, 2009 by twinmama62

Two divorced people trying to get together and blend 4 teenage daughters (two each). Both ex-spouses still in picture with children and work hard to undermine the relationship

ANSWERS

Maybe your ex spouses should get together!

I'd imagine its really difficult with both of your exes doing their best to make life hard for you both, but I believe it can be done. Being that the kids in question are in their teens I don't think its out of the question to sit down with them and have an open discussion about it. Give them all a chance to voice their opinions and concerns. I would suggest that you and your husband take some time before this sit down to come up with some ground rules for it as well as an idea of how you would like to integrate your kids. But definitely let them all be heard. Divorce is hard enough and leaves many children feeling like they don't have any control at all. If you give them the space to openly discuss their thoughts and feelings then it could help them be more optimistic about the new situation.

As for the exes...I don't really know how you can resolve that. You can try to point out that what they are doing is very damaging to the kids, but they don't seem to care to much about that as it is.

That isn't much to go on. 4 teenage girls. Undermining. Merging. Blending. Yes. It can be done. Who is in control? The parents or the children (teens)? Undermining? Put an end to it by setting rules and stick to them. Plan ahead privately and stick to the plan. Use discipline and be firm but loving. Yes. It can be done.

I would recommend checking out a series of articles by James Lehman on Blended Families and how to get on the same page.

Good Luck

I've heard it takes 5-7 years to fully blend. Get help from professionals and books.

It can be done if the parents are mature enough to realize the importance of the childrens well being. If the parents are happy, the children will be happy. The parents cant get caught up in each others personal lives but need to stay focused on making the time as a family, the togetherness work for the benefit and for the love of their children PERIOD nothing else matters.

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