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Can a relationship last with no sex or physical contact?

Published on January 4, 2012 by janlestat

I just want to know if anyone thinks a relationship can last without any real intimacy? I've been with my man for nearly ten years and a couple of years ago the sex started being less frequent until it stopped altogether. We still get along but he doesn't seem interested in sleeping with me or having sex with me. He sleeps on the sofa and says its because I stay up at the computer late, well, I do since he goes to bed at eight in the evening. He's 9 years older than me;64, but seems to have plenty of energy to walk six miles a day up into the mountains to be a volunteer ranger. He says he loves me and we get along pretty well most of the time. I went through a time a few months ago where I tried to talk to him about it and he just said he gets tired sometimes. When it reached the year with no sex mark I told him about it and he seemed shocked but didn't do anything about it. We hardly touch at all and when we do he kisses me or I kiss him, nothing really passionate, and hugs but that's about it.

I am an attractive and sensual lady but he just doesn't seem that interested and only wants to sit in front of the tv. He is not having an affair because if he's not here he's up at the canyon and I used to volunteer up there and there's no way he would do this and has told me he hasn't been with anyone else since he first met me. I know he loves me but he won't admit there is a problem and gets upset about it. He spent many years in bars drinking and i'm just wondering if that has anything to do with it. I feel comfortable and safe with him as I have known him so long but I don't know if I can deal with this for the rest of my life. I have talked to women who haven't had sex with their husbands for 20 years and I can't imagine going without for so long. So what is your opinion on a relationship without sex?

ANSWERS

In my opinion, that relationship is doomed for either separation or long-term infidelity.

And what about if it is a physical problem and he can't help it? Am I supposed to leave him because he's older and isn't able to perform like he used to? There is also still love here. Sometimes I'm happy because we do well together as a whole and sometimes I get frustrated, but love isn't that easy to find and I'm kind of particular in the type of man I want. He fits the bill except for the sex thing and if its emotional because we're having a hard time financially there is a chance when that situation improves there would be a change in the other. I'm not sure what it is but i'm more inclined to believe that its a physical thing since he couldn't attain satisfaction for the last few times we tried.

And what about if it is a physical problem and he can't help it? Am I supposed to leave him because he's older and isn't able to perform like he used to? There is also still love here. Sometimes I'm happy because we do well together as a whole and sometimes I get frustrated, but love isn't that easy to find and I'm kind of particular in the type of man I want. He fits the bill except for the sex thing and if its emotional because we're having a hard time financially there is a chance when that situation improves there would be a change in the other. I'm not sure what it is but i'm more inclined to believe that its a physical thing since he couldn't attain satisfaction for the last few times we tried.

I would take the initiative and go to bed with him at 8:00 even if I had to get back up after we had sex. Who knows maybe you'll be sleepy too once you are sexually satisfied. I would definitely try to rekindle the sex. Be very blunt and clear about how much you want him. Failing that, sexual frustration can be taken care of on your own. Then you are left to decide if you want to live that way or not. I might stay in a sexless marriage, depending on the reason it was sexless, but I would not stay in a loveless marriage.

That isn't going to work because he would just say I am interrupting his tv show or something. He is only approachable sexually when he's been drinking beer and I feel he would reject anything I tried to do which is why I don't try to initiate anything. He isn't drinking now and hasn't been for 2 months so he has hardly touched me at all but acts like everything is fine. I don't know how to approach him because he seems unapproachable. This is what I get for hooking up with someone 9 years older than me.

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