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Can I find a sexually active man willing to wait for me?

Published on May 28, 2009 by stacia_renee06

I'm 21 years old, a virgin in college, and I've never had a real boyfriend. The reason I am a virgin is simply beacuse I am saving myself for marriage...I've seen the consequences with friends and other people and I just decided when I started college that keeping the strength to wait is what I wanted to do...but converstaiona always get awkward when I have to bring up the V-word..especially if we're making out & things start to get a little heated..Now the reason I've never had a real boyfriend is yet to be answered..before college,I dated a lot of guys but never for long..I was never too attached to anyone. But after I started college, I realized that I had a problem with communication and commitment. I've since grown-in maturity and my want for commitment over the past 3 years. I attract a lot of guys and give about half of them a chance (lol)...but the ones I seem to be the MOST both physically and mentally attracted to don't seem like they're willing to wait for me-sexually..(also note that none of the guys I've dated are virgins, like me) the other ones that are sexual and are willing to wait for me seem to evolve into friendships and I lose interest in having a real boyfriend-type of relationship with them...so I seem to attract guys by both my mind/personality and physical appearance..but im just starting to wonder if I will ever find the one who I'm attracted to equally as strong, rather than as a friend. I don't want my sexual abstinence to be a major topic of dicussion or the reason for no progression-which it has become,at times. Is it possible to find someone I'm equally attracted to that will be intrigued enough by my other positive qualities that sex will not shy them away from a true, monogomous relationship?

ANSWERS

Well, some would say count your blessings! Focus on your studies, get involved with activities! You’re young yet, and relationships are hard enough without the added pressure you’re putting on yourself. Kudos to you for learning from other people’s mistakes! There’s many consequences for unprotected sex, & just because you don’t want that you shouldn’t put yourself down for that! As far as it not being a major topic of discussion IS the point! Values are about all a person has, if you go against that, then you have nothing! So make that stand for yourself! No one else will! If the guy is worth having around he will know how important that is to you! Specially if he IS/has been sexually active or not! If he can’t respect you & your beliefs then don’t waste each other’s time! Specially YOURS! It’s important to figure out who YOU are so you can share your fabulous self with someone who’s as equally fab! You said so yourself that you’re only giving these guys a half a chance… why!? How will you KNOW anything unless you do give it the ol’ college try?! If you cannot get past the friendship phase & you’re still left with wanting more, end it as gracefully as you can so you can find the one who is going to be on the same page as you are! In your question you stated you want a sexually active man, why is that such a requirement?! You MAY be lucky to find someone who is sick of the casual thing & looking to settle down with someone, but why do you want to put a restraint on someone who may not be willing to wait till marriage?! If not & you're still attracting the same set of guys, you may be waiting a long time! Don’t waste it! Maybe it’s time to find other hobbys, interests, places to hang out to find a different kind of guy who has the same ideals you do, if your belief system is so important to you. If he truly cares for you, he’ll follow you to the ends of the Earth & will stay intrigued & have that monogomous relationship you so badly want! I hope this makes sense! Happy hunting & may you get what you're searching for! =)

stacia_renee06, You do not seek a sexually active guy willing to wait for you. You seek the guy willing to be there for you now. Otherwise, focus on your studies and leave the serious relationship stuff alone for now - you are not ready. At this point you can have as many guy friends as you like - sexually active, sexually challenged, and sexually without a clue. Once you find the guy for you, he will do whatever it takes to satisfy you and keep you close. Do not worry. I was engaged to a girl who said she was saving herself and we had the best relationship with no pressure. Hang in there, have fun, and love happens.

First off. I was a V until I got married and I'm proud of it. I too never really dated until college and again, I thank my good fortune because it allowed me to study and focus on my goals. Ben is right. It's not about finding a sexually active guy willing to wait. It's about finding a guy who respects you enough to respect how you feel about sex and respect your boundaries. V or no. That's what its ALWAYS about for everyone. You need to focus on what you want rather than what other people want for you or with you.

Thank you all so much!..I very much so may be looking in the wrong places and probably focusing on the wrong thing when it comes to the type of guys I'm drawn to. I'm going to finish this last year focusing strictly on myself and my studies, as I have, but a lot less on analyzing this relationship thing..maybe that aspect will fall in place after I concentrate more on myself, rather than my love life..Thanks again!=)

Chick let me start by saying that more people should follow your lead. What you are doing is big. I had a female friend the same way and she was beautiful, so many people tried . When it didn't work they tried to pressure in to fitting in But she stayed strong and so should you. If a guy can't understand what you are doing he don't deserve it.

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