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Can a kiss be forgiven?

Published on October 16, 2013 by sopsop3748

I recently was dumped after my long distance boyfriend couldn't get over the idea that I drunkenly kissed a man on holiday 2 years ago. Despite my infidelity, I felt awful about it and told him the same night within an hour of it happening. Before it happened he told me he could marry me and had basically implied I was 'the one'. He is currently living abroad but is due to come back to London in a few months time for good. We made a lot of progress (or so I thought) with the kissing problem and of course I begged for his forgiveness and did everything in my power to make him feel more at ease - encouraging him to talk to me about his feelings was a big part of this.

I really do love him, and while he tells me now he cannot marry a person who cheated, I can't help but wonder if its possible to make it through since I never swapped any personal information with the person I cheated with, had no feelings towards him or any desire to do it again. I have been loyal to my boyfriend ever since that moment and truly believe we can work through this, particularly if we start spending more time together...time surely can heal wounds (to SOME extent). I take full responsibility for my actions and realise what I did was wrong, but its hard when he cannot at least try to properly forgive me when he has cheated on previous girlfriends and admitted it to me.

I really care about him and do wonder if a kiss can be forgiven over time. I know lots of couples who remained together through much worse forms of cheating - his dad even cheated on his mum and they are still together today. I feel frustrated not at him but at the fact that I can't seem to find a way to soothe him and make him consider me as a long term partner once again. He said he still loves me when he broke up with me but just couldn't continue and if he met someone new he didn't want to hurt me if they were marriage material.

ANSWERS

If he has cheated on girlfriends in the past, he shouldn't be putting you through this. It sounds like he is manipulating your emotions to make himself feel less guilty for his past actions. Drunkenness shouldn't be an excuse, but if a kiss happened, and you admitted to it, he should be understanding. He has the right to not forgive you initially, but he should respect that you told him. It's been two years, and he is still giving you a guilt trip. He ended the relationship, and in his eyes this was the only solution. He said he won't marry someone who cheated, so what's the point of staying together? Although I think he's being rather irrational, you shouldn't constantly be begging forgiveness. Cheating is wrong, but so is manipulating and torturing someone you love because of a past action. It's unfair to you, especially when you've taken full responsibility for what you've done. I would not dwell on this or try to win him back, especially since he made it clear he would break up with you again if he found someone who was "marriage material." I think that's a gross attitude, and he isn't worth your time.

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