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Breakup because of family tragedy, please help

Published on March 16, 2014 by felixjones

Me and my ex split up about a month ago. We had been together for almost 3 years and everything seemed to be going great. We meet through a job, and while I had to move away for school we had been doing just fine long distance, and she was planning to move out here after she graduated in may this year. And when I say everything was great I mean it, we were very committed and when we had talked of our future together, or marriage, her eyes always lit up! And it probably goes without saying that I wanted to spend my life with this woman. I was willing to give her all of myself just to make her life better and to make her happy. I am currently in a graduate program and I have high aspirations for my personal carrer but all I ever really wanted, at least for the last 2 years, was to be with her the rest of my life and to make her life better. Then about three months ago her father had a serious medical issue and while stabilized probably has less than a year to live. I tried to comfort her as best as I could, and do anything I could to help. But after 3 or 4 days I got a message which was to the effect, of you have always been a wonderful boyfriend more than I could ask for, and I absolutely do not want to break up, but I need some space to figure out my family issues and future. I tried to understand as best as I could, but it was hard to grasp for me when I would have gone straight into her arms for comfort. She then basically didnt communicate for a month and a half. We had some small communication, but all of a sudden it was like she didn't want to talk to me and I was just being a pest and making things harder. She finally called after a month and a half and broke up, although still ended with I love you. She has "explained" her reasons but they don't really make sense to me. She has to go home in stead of moving in with me which I understand and even encouraged, but as a result she thinks it will be too long not knowing when we will be together, she has too much on her plate to give me enough time, it would just be too hard and she cannot do it anymore. We have talked a couple of times since but mostly its just her saying your being ridiculous and I want to be firends but not now.

What Should I do? She didn't handle the situation great but I could forgive her for anything, and I still want nothing else in my life more than her. I mean I would probably quit my grad program to be with her. I just want her back and I know that I would be good in her life if she would let me. She is cold to me ever since the text after her fathers sickness, and when I asked if I came to town and stayed with a friend only asking to see her for part of a day the response was, "I don't think thats a good idea." Should I just go? What is she thinking? Everybody tells me nobody just breaks up if they really love you, so am I just crazy? Or is she making a huge mistake because she can only see it as impossible, but I could make anything work for her.

ANSWERS

Dear felixjones,

Regardless of whether or not she was completely truthful about her reasons for wanting to break up, it is her decision. If you have told her how you feel and she still is not interested, as difficult and painful as that is to swallow, you must accept it. Family issues should pull you two together, not separate you.

Whatever she has going on, she is going through something painful and big and it's best to respect her and give her space. Do not give up your grad program and the success of your future for her. Know your own value enough to keep your future in tact and if she really wants to be with you, she will come back. You can't force her no matter how much you think you two are perfect for each other.

Let her go, if she comes back, then you know, if she doesn't, she was never really yours in the first place. The more you chase her, the more you will chase her AWAY. Let her come to you.

I know it aches from deep places you never knew you had. Take this time to mourn the loss of your relationship. Keep your head on your shoulders and stay in your program. It's extremely difficult and painful, but you must let her go if that is what she wants. And you can't decide for her what she wants. Respect her wishes if you really love her. Love her enough to let her go.

Good luck.

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