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Break Up or Stay Together?

Published on June 1, 2010 by mz. diva

I'm currently in a complicated relationship I have been dating this man for five months. Before I started dating him I was in a very abusive relationship for 2 and half year. I finally got out that relationship, and prayed for a good man. I think I found him, but I never got over what my ex did to me. So I took it out on my current boyfriend. Out of the 5 months we been dating we have only a few good weeks. Alot of it is my fault. I would start agurements for nothing, and say crazy things to him because I was still anger and upset of what my ex did to me. I'm very insecure of being in a relationship because I think that people just lie. But my current boyfriend is a good man. I have taken him to hell and back. He admitted to me three weeks ago that he cheated and the woman could be pregnant by him. he told me that this happen when I was given him so much drama. I have cheated on him several times but I never admitted it. We both say we love each other. Its alot of things I don't like about this relationship my bf drive trucks and he work 70+ hours every week so we dont see each other til on sundays. Sometimes I don't see him than if I have started a arguement with him. But the five months we been together he never invited me to church, i never met his mom but he have met mine i never ever been to his place. I feel that he is hiding something and not telling me the truth. he tells things would be so much better if I wouldn't cause so much drama for nothing. he is a great person, and we have so much fun together when i'm not arguing with him. I mean he has never accussed me of anything of started a arugement with me.This is driving me crazy that I don't see him everyday because thats what I'm use to, but he does talk to me every nite so we can still be in touch with each other. I told me he is looking for a wife and a little girl. I just feel insecure that he doesn't love me like I love him and i don't know whether I should stay with him and change my ways, and just break up so help me out guys.

ANSWERS

Hi Mz. Diva,

I want to acknowledge you for taking the steps to get out of your abusive relationship and for being honest about how you feel. It is normal for you to have unresolved anger after enduring abuse. I suggest that you find a therapist or a coach to help you resolve your anger issues. Writing your thoughts down in a journal could also help you to gain clarity and can allow a safe place for you to express any lingering emotions you have towards your ex.

Love and trust are mandatory for healthy relationships. It sounds like you and your boyfriend have legitimate trust issues which need to be resolved if you are going to continue the relationship, but the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself, so I recommend that you forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made in the relationship and work on loving yourself more.

When you are ready, sit down with your boyfriend and have an honest and respectful conversation about how you feel and what you need to be happy in the relationship. Truly listen to each other without judgment. If he is not willing or is unable to adjust to accommodate your most important needs, then you should evaluate whether he is the right guy for you. Either way, loving and healing yourself should be your top priority whether you choose to continue the relationship or not.

I wish you the best. Rachel Cates

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