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Boyfriend watches porn

Published on November 13, 2013 by confused0711

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We have a great relationship for the most part. We live together, but we don't get much time together (about 2 hours a day) because we have different work schedules. Recently I've noticed that our sex life is not meeting either of our needs. I never thought much about this and just thought it was because we don't have much time together. By the time he gets home from work I'm in pajamas. We eat supper and go to bed. In the morning we have about an hour together while I get ready for work.

In the past few months I've noticed he watches much more porn than he used to. I've always known he watches it and it didn't bother. I've even suggested that we watch together, but he always tells me its awkward. I'm starting to become very uncomfortable with his porn/masturbation. I've tried to talk to him about this and he just responds "all guys watch porn, it has nothing to do with you." As much as I'd like to believe this, I don't. I have insecurity issues (not with him, with my own body.) I feel like he would rather look at those girls than have sex with me. He never initiates sex. He always tells me it's because he feels like he's going to get shut down. I tell him I want nothing more than for him to just take control. Does this mean he isn't attracted to me? He never turns down sex if I initiate, but I'm sick of doing this. I don't think I should be the only one who is putting in effort. I've talked to him about this numerous times and it doesn't change. He's usually a great communicator, but when it comes to this he completely shuts down.

Help!! I feel like I'm about to give up on our sex life all together. I feel like he is happier watching porn than he is with me. Is this normal? How do I fix it, or am I just over reacting?

ANSWERS

People make time for the things and people that mean the most to them. It seems that communication with him is breaking down. This is one of the first signs that a relationship is in trouble. It also seems like you are always initiating sex or some activity. If he is depressed, overworked, or tired all the time, you two may need to seek a counselor or have a weekend getaway to reconnect. (You did mention you work all the time). You need to have at least, AT LEAST, one date per week where you and him can just talk and be together(non-sexual). Sex is important as well and that also needs to be addressed. Communicating effectively is one of the hardest things to do. Tell him 1.) why you are unhappy; 2.) what you think is happening to the relationship; and 3.) how his actions make you feel. Ask I him if there is anything wrong. You may be surprised what he says. Lastly, relationships are about give and take. He needs to be willing to play ball with you. If not, you may need to re-evaluate your relationship with him.

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