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Boyfriend wants me on sliming pills

Published on June 5, 2014 by kate123

My boyfriend encouraged me to take sliming pills (I am 5ft 6 and weigh 62 kg) I have been taking them for a week and he askes me everyday if I have taken them, he gets irritated if I forget. He told me today that I must keep taking them even if my ribs stick out. Im worried and upset, please help me

ANSWERS

Kate,

Someone in a situation like yours should consider some questions: how do you feel about how you look? about your weight? what does your boyfriend want? why are you taking the pills - for yourself at his encouragement or to try and please him? what is a healthy weight for someone of your height?

As an Expert who has worked with adolescents, I wonder how you felt about his idea that it would be okay for "[your] ribs to stick out". Even though this is something that is seen with models and celebrities, it generally is not healthy as a goal. You may already have a sense about this in your concerns and maybe even in forgetting to take the pills. In fact, you may want to talk with a counselor in your own community that can help you explore how you feel about your body and weight as well as your patterns around food, exercise and desire to lose weight.

You did not say why you were upset and worried, but in addition to the above, it could also be related to the way that the two of you are relating. While relationships involve a certain amount of give and take, this should never be done in a way that is unhealthy for one of the people in the relationship. If one person feels forced to do something that is not good for their health, this is reason for concern. Similarly, concern is appropriate when one person is controlling of the other and making them feel worse about themselves.

As you continue to look at your situation, the good news is that you can come to a place of peace and wholeness. To do this, you may need to have someone walk with you on this journey, like we do at Seeking Shalom (www.SeekingShalom.org).

Kate --

I would like to reiterate what Clsnyc from Seeking Shalom said. I agree with him 100%. In a relationship, there is always give and take (as Clsnyc mentioned), but being forced to take diet pills should not be one of them. If you are having feelings of worry and upset as you describe, these are your red flags going up about this relationship.

There is more to you than an outside package, Kate. Even if you were significantly overweight or underweight, it would not change your compassion, intelligence, ambition, ability to make friends, etc. These are the attributes that should be of significance in a relationship as the connection of these emotions are where true connections of intimacy are made. Cultivating these traits and keeping a healthy body are what matters.

Hope this was helpful.

Kim Openo, LAPC NCC YT Expert

Have you asked your boyfriend why it is so important that you be so thin to the point your "ribs stick out"? Is that his idea of beauty? In some countries, to see someone with their ribs sticking out is a sign of poverty and malnutrition and not associated with beauty and all. Also, why is he in charge of how you look? Is your relationship conditional on having you look the way he wan'ts you to? Does that mean that if he decides you don't measure up to how he wants you to look, he won't want to be with you? This is a good time to find out.

It doesn't sound like you are comfortable with the control he is exercising over you, I wouldn't be either. I think he has a problem and needs help. Long term you need to decide whether this relationship is really for you, if he is not willing to see he has a problem in placing such demands and control over you and wants to change.

Kate, A major predictor in the success of a relationship is having a partner who LOVES YOU JUST AS YOU ARE!

You are okay regardless of you weight. Can you love yourself just as you are? I’m Amelia, Life and Relationship coach and Your Tango Expert. Have you told him that you want to lose weight and you want "to be so thin your ribs stick out?" If you have told him this, is he just trying to help you? Does he encourage you to talk with your family and friends? If this is the case just tell him to stop. Can say no to him and can he accept you no. No I will no longer take diet pills! If he can accept your NO, there is a good chance that the two of you can mend your relationship.

The second alternative is much more difficult to both accept and to deal with. Is he making you take the diet pills because he wants you "to be so thin your ribs would stick out?" I am concerned when anyone tries to make you different than you are. This is not healthy. This is control. Control is abusive. Anyone who can not accept you as you are does not have your best interest at heart. Your significant other should always have your best interest at heart and allow you to be yourself - not who they want you to be.

If this continues, you are heading down a dangerous slope. What else does he want to change about you? Remember controlling someone else is always abusive.

If you have difficulty in saying no to your boyfriend or anyone else, your self-confidence and self-esteem could use a boost. Your NO, should always mean NO and be accepted by others. I recommend talking with a marriage and family therapist, or a life and relationship coach to encourage you to feel good about yourself and to love yourself and to date someone who loves and accepts you just as you are.

Good luck in what you decide to do.

Amelia Barnes, Life and Relationship Coach Your Tango Expert

do you ever like what you're doing? or do you even like what he's making you do? it so obvious that he's changing you to the preference that he likes. if h e loves you then he will accept you just the way you are, honestly, if he truly loves you he wouldn't force you into something as getting your ribs stick out!! that's way too much. tell him about your thoughts and true feelings about taking the pills and if he's not that open then your better off without him, time to let go.

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