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Boyfriend having issues with my weight

Published on May 9, 2013 by jaybug85

I have an amazing love story with my boyfriend. We've been together for 3 years now, and I moved to Germany to be with him. Needless to say..we've been through a lot as a couple. From the very beginning I knew he only liked skinny, sporty girls and that I was an "exception" for him. I'm 5'4" and range between 135-140..pretty average. I ended up losing quite a bit of weight at one point, and was about 125. I've now packed that back on however with all the challenges of moving to a different country. I knew he didn't like my weight and our sex life really took a beating. I know I make it difficult too, because when I know how he thinks of what size I should be, it affects how I interact with him sexually. About 8 months I (regretfully) made a promise to him that I would lose weight and then we could make this awesome sex tape, just for us. Well...I didn't lose weight exactly. It was the yo-yo dieting and I am basically the same weight now that I was 8 months ago. He brought it up a few weeks ago, that I broke my promise and it led into a 3 day fight because I felt hurt by the comments he made. The only reason the fight ended is because I just said "fine! I'll go to the gym and do everything I'm supposed to do, to lose weight. Just what you want." He wasn't satisfied with that answer either, because I'm supposed to WANT to and look good for him. I wish I felt that way, but i'm just becoming more and more resentful and now I feel like I'm developing an eating disorder. I starve myself, and then binge. It's a vicious cycle, and then I feel hostile towards him too because there's this pressure from him. My question is, how can I get rid of these resentful feelings? He is the love of my life, we have fought to be together and now I just feel like everything is fading, including my love for him, because of this stupid weight thing and his mentality. Am I just abnormally weight sensitive, or is he in the wrong? Any advice, thoughts, etc. would be so greatly appreciated!