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Boyfriend has lots of "girl" friends

Published on March 27, 2014 by christine2014

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, we live together and are generally happy. My only issue is the close relationships he has with female friends (one of them is an ex), none of whom I know at all or feel comfortable with. These girls send a lot of pictures to him, and I saw one naked picture which made me SO upset. Since then he says he barely talks to these girls but I just found out that he has been sending "Snap Chat" photos back and fourth with one of them without my knowledge - deleting all evidence. I have told him since the beginning of our relationship that this bothers me but he refuses to stop and tells me I am crazy and that I have a problem.

Am I crazy? What should I do?

ANSWERS

Dear christine2014,

No you are not crazy and have every right to be upset. When you're in a committed monogamous relationship with someone it is never wise to have isolated friendships with someone of the opposite sex, especially if it's an ex. If he really cared about you and the relationship, why would he want to received naked pictures from anyone else.

His behavior is inappropriate and it doesn't seem like he's intending on stopping. If he had nothing to hide, he wouldn't be deleting the evidence, and calling you crazy is just a manipulation to keep him from taking any responsibility for his behavior or stopping it. What do you call deleting evidence? That's called hiding stuff he clearly doesn't want you to see.

You cannot make him stop. So what you need to decide is if this is the kind of relationship you want the kind of guy you want to be with. If you don't want to be with someone who talks to other women and accepts and sends inappropriate texts and photos back and forth, and keeps it from you, then terminate the relationship. Know what you're worth and I guarantee, you're worth more than this guy is giving you.

I know it's hard and painful because you've been together for 2 years. But he clearly doesn't respect you or your feelings. He has violated trust and instead of working to regain your trust he's doing everything to keep it broken. He will not change, even if you threaten to leave him.

Better to just find yourself other living arrangements without his knowledge and move out when he's not there and then terminate the relationship so you don't get caught up in his guilt trips and pleading games. He will not change. It is not you, he is inappropriate, bottom line.

Are you going to keep falling for it and stay? Or get on with your life and allow yourself to meet someone who respects you and upholds trust in the relationship?

Trust is sacred. Just remember that.

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