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Boyfriend can't stop talking about ex-wife!

Published on October 9, 2012 by beg81126

My boyfriend can't stop talking about his ex-wife! Most men either don't talk about their ex-wives at all, or speak of them in negative terms. Not this guy. At first I admired that he doesn't run her down. However, the more time I spend with him, the more he brings her up into regular conversation. Reading a book? He has to tell me how much she reads. Politics? He has to tell me how she votes. Their kids are grown! There's no need for her to be such a big part of his life. She left him and he blamed himself. They've been divorced for 5 years, but it appears he hasn't moved on. She hadn't remarried either. I can't complain or I'll look petty and jealous. Besides, I can't make him stop thinking about her. I've been with him a tear. I feel I have to accept it or leave him. Are there any other options? This hurts!

ANSWERS

Let's focus on you rather than him and his ex, ok? What do you want in a relationship? What values and goals form the essence of you? Is this relationship meeting your requirements, needs, and wants? Is it a 50/50 partnership? I am getting the uncomfortable feeling that the relationship is more about him than you. You mentioned that you initially admired him for not critizing her. Is it possible that he still deeply cares for her in more than a platonic way? Consider all the varables from a bird's eye view before reaching a conclusion that is in your best interest. In relationships you Do Not have to accept anything. Be the chooser and accept nothing but the best for you. You deserve it!

Have you told him how you fee? If he doesn't stop, then he hasn't moved on, and it might be time that you did.

He still has a thing for her.

The next time he goes off on, "My ex did...", tell him he's not with her - he's with you. He needs to be told that if he wishes to continue being with you, he needs to leave his ex in the past and move on. If he doesn't, move on - he's not ready for a new relationship.

No, I haven't told him how I feel because I don't think it would accomplish anything. I can't change his thoughts. At least if he speaks his mind I know where I stand. If I tell him and he stops talking about her, he may still be thinking about her and I'll have the false impression that the situation has been rectified. He needs to stop on his own. Besides, to him comments from me may seem petty and jealous, when it is really a matter of not being second fiddle. Don't you agree? Thanks

No, I don't agree - you need to tell him how you feel and that it's time to let his ex remain in his past, so he can focus on the real relationship he has with you in the present.

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