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Bf of 3 yrs ignoring after a fight-gets angry and yells
Its very long but I would be so grateful for your advice, its the only website out there that gives actual detailed and lengthy advice. I dont have parents or siblings or close enough friends so I have no one to go to and cant afford/no insurance to go to someone to talk.
Please read backstory at end to understand.
So my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and knew each other for about 10. We see each other almost every day and are very close. Lately or maybe always-he takes things so defensively and seriously. I said something as a joke along the lines of 'you don't need so and so for fashion advice, I'm all you need' with a SMILE on my face and LAUGHTER following it because I love fashion and he knows it. I gave him advice in the past which caused him to improve his overall appearance with clothes which he liked, especially after receiving so much positive feedback from everyone in his life. So he knows that info, why would he take it so offensively? It has to be something behind the screens that's bothering him but that is no way to treat me= so after saying that he explodes and I respond with the usual why are you taking it that way its a joke and somehow it blows into a huge argument which ended in him yelling at me at the top of his lungs and then calling me a cunt arrogant bitch in one sentence. We were in his car so I slapped him (while the car was stopped at a light) and he continues to yell at me and bang his steering wheel so loudly that the people in the car next to us were staring. So I got out of the car and walked home in the dark in not the greatest of neighborhoods. He texts me right after with (get the fuck out of my life you psychotic bitch thats the last time youre putting your dirty hands on me again we're over...)
So now I resisted the urge to change my relationship status on Facebook while waiting for him to call and apologize- in two days it will make 3 weeks waiting. I know we're not over because hes said that a dozen times and never meant it, also his status still says together with me.
I feel like its my fault because in the past I always took the blame and was the one who called just for the sake of fixing things-now I see how that was a bad habit hes used to. I realize it wont get fixed overnight but its really hurtful because he doesnt think he has to call and apologize. It drives me insane to know that he thinks I should apologize for slapping him!! I know hes just using that because he doesnt want all of the blame.
Anyway you get the picture- please know that he is wonderful and he does the world for me- things I know my friends boyfriends would never do and he really is always there for me whenever I need him.
I know you're going to say leave him or forget him, but just one or two days before he actually apologized to me on his own accord for lying and he was really genuine. In the past his apologies weren't, so I know the difference. He did something special for me the night to make up for it and even spent less time with his friends who wanted to hang with him to be with me bc he knows I wanted that. That's something he never does, he loves being with his friends. So its hard for me to leave him bc he just showed and has been showing so much improvement, and even telling me hes changed a lot for me. So I feel like if hes come this far whos to say he wont one day be the bf I want him to be?
***Very important: I feel like i shaped him into being this way. Its something that makes me very sad and remorseful bc in the beginning he was very calm with no anger issues no outbursts at all and I was the one who yelled and screamed and had outbursts and also ignored him when mad so in other words, I did everything I dont want him to be doing now. I wasnt a great gf and i admit it. So it wasnt until one or two yrs of putting up with my shit that he changed. So I pretty much taught him by example! I wish I can go back but its too late now. Ive grown so much with him as a person -Im much better with maintaining a job, im staying in college, keeping friends-something i could never do before. He gave me soo much advice which helped me grow so he IS a good person even if u didnt think that by his actions above I hope u see it now. Ive put pressure on him lately with marriage and moving in and hes not ready for that and I think thats whats causing this. It wasnt really recent though and Ive stopped for the sake of happiness and realizing i cant control him.
I do believe that if we can somehow closely go back to before with us not arguing for long enough to see we can be happy he will go back to himself. Bc weve spoken about it how i feel and he told me 'I havent changed im the same person I always was I just get angry bc im unhappy bc we get in alot of arguments and i want a healthy relationship" ...Thats really good so Ive tried this to not argue and it has worked but lately its been ME the calm one and him the angry one.
What do I do??