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Best friend hitting on my g/f. Now that she's told me she doesn't

Published on May 10, 2012 by lucas2

Hi Guys,i am 24 years old and my girlfriend she is 22.

My girlfriend of 3 years told me that my best friend lets call him J(who is also a very close friend to my girlfriend,the 3 of us have been friends since we were kids) has been hitting on her,but that she had a talk with him and that she told him to stop,and the guy apologized.
I was very upset,i asked her to tell the J that she told me about it,but she refused and told me that if i wanted to talk to him about it i should just go and talk to him,but its not reasonable of me to ask her to go and tell J that she told me because she doesn't see what it is going to resolve.We argued about it over and over again and i ended up just letting it go.
Now,i have decided to confront J about it,but my girlfriend says that i should let it go since the guy apologized and that it will just ruin my friendship with J and her friendship with j, that she should have kept it to herself but since we have the truth pact that she wanted to let me know but she didnt want me to end the relationship with the guy.That the mature thing to do was for her to keep it a secret but since she told me now the mature thing to do is to let it go.
I dont understand why i shouldn't confront him about it,even if he apologized,i am being immature about this?Should i let it go?Why does she worry about our friendship(J and I) and their friendship?
What are your thoughts guys?
Thank you



You should understand that girls have a different idea of just what "hitting on" consists of than boys do. You three have been friends since childhood. She asked "J" to stop and he did and apologized. (A friend of mine complemented my date on her dress IN MY PRESENCE, and she took it as being "hit on"...which was an incorrect impression by a 23 year old woman who was still immature)

Your girlfriend is right. Drop it, as you risk losing his friendship and possibly her in the process. I do think you are being immature about this. If your relationship with her is serious, then back off on the friendship with "J" and ask her to do the same. When men and women become "couples", they reduce the importance of childhood friendships and concentrate on the possibilities of their own future. When you do meet up with "J", make it a threesome...and encourage J to bring a date or have dinners out with the two of you.

The "boys night out" concept should be stopped at your age if you are really interested in a long term relationship or marriage. These "nights out" have damaged more relationships than you realize, and have destroyed many otherwise good marriages.

If you are serious about growing up now (rather than later), then forget the issue that might or might not have been a "hitting on" incident by "J"

Good Luck, Dave/