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Been hooking up with college football player... Started off as fun. Now things are getting weird. Where do we stand? HELP

Published on January 17, 2014 by stephdeluca124

So, I am a student at a university that you’ve probably heard of... I recently met a guy this past weekend, who happened to be a football player, and we exchanged numbers that night. For simplicities sake (and because he can easily be looked up), let’s call him Jerry. Anyway, the next day, Jerry and I hung out, I drank an entire bottle of wine by myself (he didn't drink any at all), and then we hooked up (yes, we had sex). He slept over and there was some cuddling while asleep, but it really wasn't something that either of us did consciously, and didn’t seem out of the ordinary. The next morning, he gave me a kiss goodbye and left for class. It was pretty clear that we both wanted the same thing that night, which was no strings attached sex. Later that day, he texted me saying that he had a nice time with me (or something along those lines), and I agreed and we made small talk via text. Still nothing weird. He asked me what I was doing and I told him I was on campus waiting for my next class and he came over to where I was and sat with me until my class started. That was kind of nice. Anyway, he came over again that night. We watched a movie in bed, and this time I wasn't drunk. We even watched the entire movie! However, throughout it, he was a little upset (even admitted it aloud in a subtle way) that I wasn't as touchy-feely as the night before, and I think I might've even thrown him off a bit. He leaned in to give me a kiss at one point, and I backed off and he said (verbatim) "you have to be drunk to kiss me?" Eventually, movie ends, and Jerry and I have sex. Because let's be honest... that's what we both wanted. We talked for a bit afterward, and we joked around a bit about our situation. He asked if this was our thing from now on, and I said sure why not, and we kind of go back and forth about it. He then starts to get a little snarky, and I get a bit sassy with him, and we actually start to bicker because apparently we’ve offended each other. So I (kind of jokingly/kind of seriously) tell him that I had fun but not to call me tomorrow. And he got even more offended and does the whole “fine” thing, and turns his back on me... What a baby. I guess I’d bruised his ego a bit. I tell him I was joking and we kind of make up and then and we fall asleep. We cuddle while sleeping, and then he leaves again in the morning for class. We text again throughout the day, but not extensively (as usual). He texts me first, asks me how work went, etc. We talk about what we were doing that night and says how he and the team were going out, and I tell him maybe I'd see him out. Well, long story short, I did go out but got pretty drunk pretty early, and end up crashing at my girl friend from works house. I wake up in the middle of the night and see a few missed calls from and texts from him asking where I'm at downtown. I realized then that I was stranded at my friend’s house at 4:30AM and didn't want my car to get towed... So, this is when shit started getting a little real. I text him asking if he's awake, and he is. I call him and ask if he'd be willing to come get me and tell him that I passed out at a friends house and was stranded there. He replies "a friend, huh? A guy friend?" I was a little taken aback by that remark. I respond to him that it was a girl coworker, and that I went to her place at some point and passed out on the couch. He is still hesitant to believe me, and we kind of argue for a minute, and I tell him that even if it were a guy, it's none of his business. Aaaand he hangs up on me...... WTF. I text him saying "so you're not gonna come get me," he says "guess not," I respond "k thanks," and he goes "You're welcome. Hope you had a great time tonight." Double WTF. I call him back asking him why he's being a dick, and he asks me why I just decided now, in the middle of the night to text or call him back, and I reaffirm the fact that I PASSED OUT AT MY FRIENDS HOUSE. He finally agrees to pick me up, proposes that I stay the night at his dorm, and I say maybe (with no intention to actually go there) and he gets me at 5 AM. I walk out wearing my friends boyfriends jacket (cause I didn’t have one and it was below freezing outside), and the first thing he says to me when I get into his car is "that doesn't look like a girls jacket." I tell him that it's her boyfriends jacket and he doesn't believe me........ uhhh....... Anyway, he takes me to my car and I tell him he can spend the night at my house but that I'm on my period so we can't have sex. He says that’s fine and that he'll stay there anyway (weird) and follows me home. We get to my house, and he looks at my and says rather rudely "I saw you downtown at the bar talking to some guy." He was bluffing because he named the bar that he supposedly saw me at, and I was never even there that night. He was clearly trying to get me to confess about something. Then, after I call him out on his bluff, he rebukes by saying "fine, but I did find some shit out about you tonight." So, before I go on with this part of my story, let me preface it by going back to the night on which I met Jerry. So, I was really drunk that night, ended up giving my number out to more guys (who all happened to be football players) than I remember. I ended up getting in the car with one of them (let’s call him Tom), and we hooked up. Didn't have sex but just fooled around. Nbd. I never told Jerry about my hookup with Tom. Let me now fast forward a bit (sorry for the flip-flopping around) to the second time Jerry slept over at my place. I asked if he'd given my number out to other guys because I kept getting texts from football players (that I didn't remember) who told me I gave them my number at the bar the other night. He was kind of like "wtf no" and I definitely believed that he didn't just because of how taken aback by my question he was. So, let me go back to where I'd last left off. Jerry told me he found "shit out" about me that night. He continues "I heard that you went home with one of my teammates the night I met you." I tell him "uhh no, I went to MY home in MY bed alone that night" which was technically truth, but of course I knew exactly who and what he was talking about. I ask him to elaborate, and he explains how he was talking to the guy (and even confirmed it was him by naming Tom’s first and last name), who told Jerry that he’d hooked up with me that night. Jerry then adds "I see where we stand." I told him I was really drunk that night and that I did hook up with Tom, but that I definitely didn't go home with him. Then I said, "Why does it even matter? If I thought it was important for you to know, I would've told you. But I didn't expect you to be sleeping over for the past 3 nights." Jerry agrees he didn't expect to be spending this much time with me either, and then I ask him why he's so upset and acting a bit jealous, and I get an "idk" shrug out of him... Aww… I thought that was kind of cute. I smirk and say "awww, do you like me Jerry?" Pause. He responds with a "maybe I do." Whoaaa. Then it hit me how it was kind of weird that we'd been spending so much time with each other... and that he slept over a lot... and that he came and picked me up when I was stranded at 5 AM on a school night... and that he was getting so jealous of me being with other guys, particularly his teammate. And then it also came to my attention that he is an attractive guy, let alone a pretty well known football player for a very reputable college football team, who could easily get a different girl every single night at the snap of his fingers. I apologize to him and reaffirm that it really didn't mean anything when I hooked up with his Tom. Jerry hesitantly responds with an "it's OK, I'm not mad" in a non-convincing manner. Anyway, like I said earlier, I was on my period so obvies no sex for us that night, but we still fooled around a bit (more so for his own pleasure—and me being a nice gal). Afterward, we talked a little, he admitted that he was still pissed about everything, we kind of laughed it off and we pass out. And he held me in his arms all night until I woke up the next morning. I should probably mention that the "next morning" is actually this morning, and these following events all took place TODAY. Anyway, I get out of bed and go upstairs and make myself coffee, and he wakes up a little after to head to class. He gives me a hug and kiss, and then is on his way. After he leaves, I go to class also and go on with my day. It wasn't until like 6PM this afternoon that it hit me that I'd gotten NO texts from him all day. He's not the chattiest person over text, so I kind of brushed it off without it fazing me. Then a few hours pass by... and a few more. Before I know it, I'm getting ready for bed, and he still hasn't texted me. I start to get agitated, and my annoyance clearly gets the best of me because I end up sending him a text that says "Hi." About ten minutes later he responds "Hello". Me: "What's up?" Jerry: "Laying down. You?" Me: "Homework. How was your day?" Jerry: "It was good... yours?" Me: "it was ok. Thanks for taking me home last night though" Jerry: "You're welcome" Alright, so at this point, I'm starting to get really annoyed by his annoyingly short texts, and I start to feel a little crazy. I wait about 20 minutes, debating back and forth about what to say, but finally end up texting him "I'm jw... Where do we stand?" No more quick responses... hour goes by, still no response and I'm thinking that it's ok because he is kind of a shitty texter... two hours go by. Still.No.Response. Three hours go by, and I'm starting to feel even crazier and regretting writing him that in the first place. Now it's five hours since I'd last heard from him, and I feel like a raging lunatic and I'm on Reddit writing this ridiculously long prose about something that might not be ANYTHING. I feel so crazy, and I'm sorry if this was like the MOST boring thing you guys have ever read. If there's anyone, ANYONE out there, that has read this entire thing... I will love you forever if you give me your two-cents on this situation. I am not usually crazy (or this skanky). Actually, scratch that. I have NEVER in my entire life acted the way I’ve been this past week with guys. In fact, my first year of college, I was so engrossed in my studies, had no social life, and hated everything. I'm a pre-med student, and finally decided to live a little this semester since I lightened up my course-load. Finally get to live the college experience. And second week into the semester, this shit happens. I can’t even. So please all knowing reddit users, someone out there, please give me some insight. Are these games? Wtf is his DEAL?!


Dear "stephdeluca124"

Wow, that is one complicated situation. Seems there's a lot going on - the thing that I get most from your "short story" is that you are both two nice people, sharing a college experience at different points in your personal life. From his actions throughout, I kept saying to myself either he wants what he thinks he can't have and/or he just got out of a relationship that broke his heart and he's a little "needy" in the love department and hoping you'd fill that void. You were a challenge to that and that both excited him and thrusted him into feelings of wanting you, but it also bugged him - because whether or not you're just having the "college experience" he doesn't see you as a really "good girl" (girlfriend material) because in his eyes, you sleep around. It makes him jealous, which confuses the both of you. Talk about a tangled web. Don't let his idea of what he wants you to be dictate who you really are. It'll take your fun mode and spiral it into feeling guilty for who you are (and who you've done). Don't go there.

Sex upfront just confuses matters. You'd probably both really like each other if you wanted the same thing - I just think that you're not in the same place right now. And after you texted him "where do we stand," the realization of having what he wanted from you (your interest) made him think about all he's been through (before and during your friendship) and then he went into "unsure mode." It's no longer a challenge to him, and takes him out of pursuer mode. In other words, he's confused and clearly you weren't but now you are too. That can't work for either of you.

If you wanted the same things, you'd be on the same page. Have a talk about it - I mean geez you've already slept together so talking shouldn't be that hard. Be honest with each other but most of all be honest with yourself. If you didn't see him as boyfriend material and just someone to have fun with why would you ask him where you stood? Maybe because you lost control of the situation. When you're the one calling the shots it's easy to make up the rules. Now that he's not so responsive, you feel dejected - a natural response - but do you really want him - as a boyfriend. If not, then don't ask questions like that. If you do, then try starting over again when you're more on the same page.

You just wanted a sleep buddy, so you really didn't ask him about his past and what he's gone through. I bet I'm right about that broken heart. Decide what you want and then go for it - be honest with yourself and be careful - you may not get the reaction you think you want - but, is what you THINK you want really WHAT you want? That's the first question to tackle. Good luck and let me know what happens. I'd be curious to find out how this played out.

~LJ Innes A Your Tango Expert