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Approaches to having a discussion about our future together

Published on June 17, 2014 by catscade

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and I've been really happy with our relationship and how it's been going. I love him for who he is and I have so much respect for him. We haven't really argued, which I feel isn't exactly normal, but I think it's because we don't see each other enough;we have dates once or twice a week due to our schedules. Now that it's summer and school is out, I have more time and I was really looking forward to spending more of it with him. Unfortunately for me, he has to be away doing field work and research for his program practically for the next 2 months. I'm really happy for him because he is enjoying it and feels like he knows what direction he wants to go in terms of his career, but I'm beginning to feel uncertain about our relationship. There is a likely chance that communication will be very limited due to the lack of service he will be getting so I won't be able to communicate with him regularly. To not have that for practically 2 months is causing me to panic. I was happy when he told me initially because it's an amazing opportunity, and because I thought it was only for two weeks according to what he told me a few months ago. But a couple days ago, he told me that he was excited to go on a field research trip for the whole month of August. I pretended to be happy for him because I know how important this is, but on the inside, I upset to hear that we wouldn't have nearly as much time as I thought to spend together. I haven't spoken to him about it because he seemed so excited when he told me, and I didn't want to be selfish. But I was hurt because: (1) I didn't find out earlier in the year so I didn't have time to mentally prepare myself for this. (2) That leaves me with about one month to hang out with him minus the time he's going to spend visiting other friends and prepping for the trips. (3) I feel as though I'm being selfish. (4) I'm really going to miss him. (5) What happens when we graduate-he'll be graduating a year before me-and he decides to go to grad school that isn't anywhere near where I'll be? Note that these aren't prioritized by order of importance or anything. I haven't had any kind of discussion with him about our future together after our undergraduate careers, and I just don't know how to approach the topic because I'm afraid to find out the answer. I want to be with him, but if he feels like he doesn't want to pursue a long distance relationship with me, I'd rather us end it now. I feel like we've been avoiding this conversation because it hasn't come up and because he is very focused on the present--as in he doesn't think it's necessary to be concerned about things until they come up. But this recent turn of events made me realize that it is in the very near future. I want to have a discussion about this with him, but I don't know how to approach the topic without seeming like I don't care about his career and managing to voice my concerns clearly. I don't want to make it seem like I'm giving him an ultimatum because that's not the case.

ANSWERS

You both seem to be going places in your life, and that is Fantastic. I feel like maybe you should enjoy the time you have together without stressing too much about the future. What is meant to be, will be. Perhaps you two are perfect compliments to each other and you will find a way to be together no matter what. Or it could be that you are each other's partners thru this time in your lives and may end up drifting apart. We only have today, enjoy yourself and him and whatever is meant to happen, will happen

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