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Am I wrong for risking it all?

Published on December 9, 2010 by mr_tibbs

A while ago I told my closest female friend I had "feelings" for her. Not only was I not specific about what those feelings were I told her in a letter instead of in person, like I should have. We decided we should just be friends, but its not working out for me not one bit. I'm madly in love with her, and I just cant settle for our relationship as friends. It sounds a bit selfish I know. But I have to try at least one more time. I either want all of her or nothing to do with her. Not because I would harbor bad feelings towards her, but i mean come on...that would be like torturing myself if we just stayed friend. Am I wrong for this?

ANSWERS

Dude, this is the eternal question that most guys have to try to answer. I too went through the same thing, except I was shot down in person due to her lack of time/inability to commit due to other things going on in her life. So I just asked her if we could talk alone one night, and pretty much flat out asked her to go through her thought process b/c it was eating me from the inside out, since what I was seeing was a relationship forming on its own. Her response gave me a little more solace that it wasn't anything I had done and that she had wanted it to work...it was just the other things which stopped her form saying yes b/c it wouldn't be fair to me.

As much as it sucks to still have feelings and know I got shot down, the thought that maybe things will cool down and she may say yes later. I've still been trying to be there and show I care about her, even though there is no label attached to us. She knows how I feel, and that in itself is enough for now. As much as it hurts, I've started looking elsewhere for he time being, but am still holding on just a little to the fact that things can and will change, and it may eventually work between us. But I'm not banking on it.

My advice is to talk to her, be honest and tell her that it's been killing you and you just want to know why she said no for personal reasons. If you aren't ok with the reasons and still feel the same way, tell her you are going to need some space for a while, and if she's as good as a friend as you say she is, she'll completely understand. If she doesn't respect your request, I think you really need to re-examine how good of friends you actually are.

Overall though, is it really worth completely losing this person forever? That's the question you need to answer. If yes, then just pull away, but if not, you have to suck it up a little bit. It'll still hurt a little, but at least you're not losing her completely.

...down throughout history people have risked all for LOVE. Against the craziest odds they forged ahead despite what anyone said or did to stop them. So...are you wrong to feel the way you do regarding your friend/romantic interest? NOPE! Would I encourage you to continue your pursuit? YES! However, I would also encourage you to let some time pass without your bringing up the subject (your adoration of her) again. I would encourage you to continue your friendship (I know it will certainly test your metals) because through your perseverance you could very well end up with the greatest reward, (her love in kind)

Love is all about taking risks. Risks are what make dreams come true. You're not wrong at all! Fear possesses the poison that kills dreams........... so I say go for it!!!!!!! Tell her exactly how you feel and don't leave anything out! Good luck!

You r right,soon she is going to start getting bone by some dude. i know u dont want to b around that energy

I know how it is to be crazy about somebody and not have those feelings returned,but to say if you can't have her you don't even want to talk to her,yes that is selfish. And something I've learned the hard way is,you're not going to win someone over by chasing after them. That will just push them further away. You can't make someone want to be with you. But,don't throw away a good friendship just because things aren't going your way. God knows what's best and if this is the woman for you then He WILL make a way for you two to be together. If not,He has someone better in mind. So,be patient,be a friend even though that may be hard,and DO NOT try to force things to happen! Trust that God knows what He's doing even when we don't get it. He will NEVER steer you wrong. Best of luck and you'll be in my prayers.

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