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Am I wrong for not liking his mother or X for this?

Published on April 29, 2009 by jaylove09

Im in a relationship and his mother is still best buds with his X's who he's made it clear that he doesn't want to be with. When we 1st began talking and his family became aware of it his mother once got angry with him over something petty and called his X's to inform her that he was talking to someone new, even though she didn't she didn't know that for sure, his mother just knew it would boil her water and get her started. She(his X) than began calling and harassing us, even taking it as far as to show up to his home one morning yelling obscene comments from her car as we were leaving on my way to work. At the time his X's still didn't want to let go of the relationship even though he had moved on and may still feel like I took him from her. Even though he pursued me and was single at the time. They were together four years off and on and his from what he says his family doesn't like her much but his mother still calls her to let her know his personal business (finical and romantic) heck his every move for that matter. His mother is a bit of the messy type, she likes gossip and is always pumping people up to start something. I haven't yet started to have any kind of relationship with his mother, I try not to talk to her for the most part (just Hi and bye) and my BF try's to keep us apart because he thinks his mother and sister are just going to pull me in to there web of lies and try to use me to get the dirt on him because he doesn't tell them anything they don't have to know and with good reason. What's the best thing to do in a situation like this? I don't want to have a bad relationship with his mother, but I really dislike his X. His X's also doesn't know that were in a relationship, his mother doesn't either. We lied to keep them from snooping when for the months we were just talking/ dating but have since become involved in a serious relationship and haven't said anything for months because we don't want to deal with any more drama. Its to a point were I just want to tell them and get it over with but he doesn't want to unless his X ask, he says telling her for no reason is kind of like bragging, and he knows how she is and says she just going to go off and say I'm just just boasting that I took him from her, which isn't true at all. Am I wrong for wanting her to know if she's still somewhat around even if it just because his mother keeps her around? Any advice?

ANSWERS

You can't control who his mom has a relationship with. It's clear that she is friends with this woman and you can't stop it. Nor will it do any good to go and confront the ex. Also, the fact that the mother does not know about the relationship may contribute to this problem. If you want to have a good relationship with her, it might be better to be upfront. Also, I think its suspicious he won't tell his mom. You are a big girl, you like this man, you should be able to handle it and separate truth from lies.

I agree with lyz. You can't control who his family is anymore that you can control who you are related to. It really sounds to me like his mother is a really miserable person and you know what they say. Don't let her make you her company in it. Also some people are only happy when they make other people miserable. I really don't understand this but my mil is one of those, and I learned that in a way that is a form of control. You can't control other people but you can control how you react. I don't know about you but my mil is not going to get that rise out of me. I also am very leary about the fact that he is not telling people you are together. Is this just his family and X or does this include friend and such? I think you should really think about this and talk together. I can understand that he wants to avoid the drama from his X, but he should just tell her to get over it. My husband told his crazy X and yeah there was major drama but we delt with as a united front and that ended it alot quicker that ignoreing the situation.

Just breath. If he is cares for you, rest in that. Let him handle it the way he sees fit and don't fight against it. Unless you have a reason not to trust him. Pick your battles. At this point, this is one you can let roll off your back. Be secure in yourself. He is with you...not her!

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