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Am I unreasonable he just a really bad boyfriend?

Published on May 1, 2012 by lola333

My boyfriend says that he has lunch with this group of men every week. He does not want me there and I am fine with that. He told me that it is so important to him that it just be him and the guys that the one time I had to pick him up there he asked me not to even come to the door. I was having a biopsy for breast cancer and he was driving me. I stayed in the car for about 10 minutes until he came out. Well a couple days ago he admitted that other women are at these lunches sometimes. I was so upset. Not that he had lunch with other women, he does that with colleagues all the time. But that he lied to me and demanded that I not even come to the door! What am I to him. Nothing?

He says he was doing me a favor by letting me stay in the car. I don't trust him anymore. I am angry and hurt. Tomorrow he has a basketball game after school. I asked him if I could go watch. He said that would be weird. I am going anyway.

I am thinking of leaving him. We have been living together for 3 years.

ANSWERS

Catching your partner in a lie is something that's important to follow up on and get more information. When your partner is acting and speaking in ways that seem suspicious to you, that don't "add up" or that don't make logical sense to you, it's best to get reliable facts before you make a decision about what this all means.

It's tempting to try to connect the dots, but make sure you are connecting "dots" that are verifiable and not just your guess or (worse yet) fears and worries.

From what you write, it sounds like you have some reliable information with his secrecy and resistance to you going to a basketball game or even to the place where he's having lunch. If you want to stay with him (this is always your choice to make), try to get more facts about what's really going on.

If you find out that he isn't breaking any agreements then ask him to "Please help me understand why it would be weird" (or whatever he's said). Really listen and create agreements with him that will allow you two to re-connect and rebuild trust.

If you discover that he is betraying you in some way, then it's time for you to decide what is in your best interests-- to stay in the relationship or to leave it.

Best Wishes, Susie and Otto Collins

Sounds like he doesn't want certain other people to know he has a girlfriend. It's possible he's a player. Players usually walk a few steps a head of their gf's when out in public. They try not to hold hands and try not to show public displays of affection. I don't know if he's like this with you. Trust your gut. If it doesn't feel right, it's not. It doesn't sound like you're a paranoid person. You sound like a reasonable person. Find a man who doesn't want to keep you on a shelf and take you down only when he needs you, like a doll. Good luck.

Is this a private club with paying members or is it a public place? Just go in and sit at the bar and order something instead of sitting in the car waiting for him to finish socializing with whomever. There might be some person or people nice to chat with. Note his reaction. Anyway, what is weird about watching a friend play basketball? Isn't that like ultra normal?

Yea sounds like u guys are in a relationship but he likes to appear to be single when its convenient for him..

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