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Am I over my Ex? Is he over Me?

Published on July 6, 2010 by st0rm

I have been having a really difficult time with myself in the past few months, emotionally. I have always seen things clearly and knew what to do next, but this year I am just stuck. I am married with 4 children - my ex of six yrs, 17 or so yrs ago contacted me last September and created a small upheaval in my marriage. My marriage is having issues any way, so I don't beleive he distracted me; he was like another option. But then I met up with my ex of six yrs and he had a phone call and the person on the line mentioned someone had died and it was the brother of my childhood (I was 18yrs old) sweetheart. My ex knew about my childhood sweetheart and joked that he was with his brothers ex. I felt really bad and alot of emotions just whelmed up in me. I thought since I am here, as I do not live in the same country as they do, I thought, I knew his brother, eventhough I have not spoken to him in around 20 years, I will send a card from my sisters and me. We got on so well, but we stopped speaking at some point. I think he lost respect in me. My ex of six yrs was able to provide me his families details and I took a bunch of flowers and card to his mothers home address. I remembered his sister straight away when she answered the door. I told her she may not remember me, but I was friends with her brothers and wanted to just pay my respects to the one that had died. She insisted I came in to see my childhood ex. He was so shocked to see me. I thought I initially saw a look of annoyance. I told him my friend was outside. Those two got on really well and I just did not want to deal with him alone. He was nice, kind in his words and grateful to see us. I was cold, rigid, had sunglasses on and could barely speak. I was so overwhelmed. I did not expect the emotions that was rushing through me. He kept on giving me side glances, which I kept on looking away. My feelings for my ex of six yrs no longer exists and I can't stop thinking about my childhood sweetheart. Every single day. Its driving me to despair. I called him about a month ago. Short call, just to see how he was coping, after his brothers funeral and he was ok. He sort of joked that I was welcome to call him at anytime. I joked back that I don't think so -with no intentions to call him again. Ironically, both my ex's share the sa,me name David and they are both Leo's - what does this mean?

Am I going through a mid-life crisis - I am going 44 - Am I just being silly - I am at the brink of leaving my husband, as I feel I do not love him anymore. These two encounters just enhanced the problems in my marriage. They are a distraction, but I am not sure if I want to save my marriage. Help!

ANSWERS

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I personally don't think your two ex have anything to do with your marriage at this point. You mentioned you were already having problems prior to them coming along. Often times, when we are having issues, we tend to go back to a time when things are good in our lives. This could be the time when you were with your ex. This is to distract ourselves from our current issues. You must not bring more problems to your current situation. Whatever it is with your marriage, you must face it head on (deal with it or divorce), until that is dealt with. You can not move forward in life. Learn from your mistakes so you don't take the baggage to your next relationship. Good luck

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