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Am I not attracted to him?

Published on October 12, 2010 by lovewrecked

I'm in a great new relationship with a great guy. Only problem is, I'm a virgin and I have a little problem with intimacy and trust. I'm just wondering, should my fears and doubts disappear with the right person? I know I really like this guy, I'm just not sure if I'm really attracted to him or just telling myself that I am. I feel very confused. He hasn't pressured me, but I don't feel a need or even desire for sex. It could just be me, feeling ashamed of my body and thinking too much. I don't know if this question even makes sense. lol. Help! :(


HI love wrecked - your questions makes a lot of sense. And the best thing I can tell you is that intimacy and trust has to start with you. So no your fears don't disappear with the right person, in fact, they may even become more present. The question about whether a relationship is right for you are not boils down to this... When you share your fears and doubts with your guy, does he "lean in" or "lean out" -- meaning does he lean in to support you to work through your fears or does he act like you are crazy and slough them off. If he leans in, you have something to build on. If he leans out, you may not have a partner. But based on everything you wrote here, my instinct is that this is about you working out you... I talk about much of what you are writing about in my book Choosing ME before WE _ check it out, it could be able to help

p.s. one other thing... women will often use the i am not attracted thing to convince themselves that this isnt the right guy when in fact they are just afraid of intimacy. if you are obsessing about his looks or some other thing you are not attracted to, especially in moments of connection, you are probably doing this. Don't let your fear push out a great guy. And trust your intuition to guide you on what's best for you.

I agree with Christine-- trust your intuition. You don't have to have sex unless you're 100% certain it's the right time for you. Maybe you could try telling him how you're feeling and see if he can ease your concerns? Good luck to you :)