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Am I justified in how I feel?
I'm going to try and keep this as unbiased as possible. Here's my situation. I'm currently engaged to a woman I absolutely adore. We don't live together yet, and we only see one another 3 days a week, as we both run our own businesses, and live 2 hours apart, and her not being able to drive. We're both in our 30s, and are working on living together this coming December.
Last weekend my fiance was cracking jokes about me probably being on okcupid, and I said don't be ridiculous I love you, and can't wait to be married. I turn said when she jokes like that it's hurtful, and it makes me feel like she's up to no good during the week. So she said "look at my phone!". Just as a note, we're open with one another looking at each other's cells. So I grabbed her phone, and saw an email she had sent to an ex a few days prior. It said "hey is this still your address (we'll call him Dave) Dave? I just had the weirdest dream about you, and never realized how much I miss your stupid face! How are you?".
Immediately I felt ill, and betrayed. She even sent the email at 3:30am. She told me it was just to get closure, and she'd stop talking to him. Yet there was an email from two years ago she had sent saying "in order for me to move on, I need to clear up some things". Which, to me, is closure
Now I feel totally insecure with her, and not living together makes it even worse. She says she loves me, wants to have children, and be married to me, but her actions of late speak differently.. I'm not perfect, and I've made mistakes, but nothing that would ever make her doubt my love for her.
I'm so confused..