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Am I in the wrong?

Published on December 24, 2013 by uxmal2473

ok, here's the situation. about two weeks ago my girlfriend and i attended my cousin's 50th birthday party. when we arrived and as i was say my hellos to my family i turned around and saw my friend Lisa from high school walking with a plate. you could imagine my surprise since it was a family thing.

a little background on lisa and where the problem comes in. i've known lisa since our junior year in high school. in fact we started dating after graduation for the summer over a 3 month period and then i moved away for school. needless to say it didn't work out. she moved on had kids has been married and we've remained friends. i was 17 yrs old and it's been 23 yrs that we managed to remain friends. never once thinking about trying it all over again now that we are older. that ship sailed.

now back to the party. i said hello and called my girlfriend over to introduce her and see if they remembered each other since my girlfriend also went to the same school and graduated the same year. my first thought was "great! just what i need right now, to deal with this situation."

so to avoid problems with my girlfriend, i stayed away from lisa and mingled with my family the whole night, except on 2 occasions. 1. i was talking with a cousing and lisa came up to me to ask how i was connceted to the party. i told her that the birthday girl was my cousin and she told me her husband is my cousing husband's cousin. the conversation surrounded that topic for a few minutes and then she walked away. 2. i was getting a drink when lisa called my name and called me over to say goodbye. i said goodbye to her and her husband. what a surprise it was to see each other but good to see each other as well. said our goodbyes and that wsa it.

so i walk over to my girlfriend abd she's angry. i couldn't believe it. she's still bringing it up and saying i disrespected her. honestly, i don't know what i did wrong. if i could do it all over again i would handle it the same way. she wasn't sitting on my lap! we didn't dance together! i never sat and chatted her up all night! in fact we talk a total of 8 minutes over a 6 hr period! yet i was disrespectful and i shouldn't be shmoozing with an "ex-girlfriend". lisa is truly a friend and has been for the past 25 years! she has never been a threat to any past relationships nor is she a threat now. i feel my girlfriend is dramatically overreacting and being irrational about this.

so, ladies of yourtango, please let me know if i was wrong or not. and how or why. because honestly i feel 100% that i handled everything the right way.

thank you,

frustrated

ANSWERS

Hi there, In relationships, there is usually no such thing as "wrong" or "right". It is about how things work for you. If your behavior made your girlfriend upset, she deserves a thoughtful conversation, rather than hearing that she is "wrong" and you are "right". That is simply not how things work in life! If you love your girlfriend, you should confront the situation and apologize for hurting her feelings.

Good luck!

From what you've described, it sounds like your girlfriend was overreacting. Still, she DOES deserve acknowledgement of her feelings. Talk to her and reassure her that you meant nothing by it, but since she has that social connection, it's unrealistic that you'll be able to completely avoid her.

It definitely sounds like a conversation is needed. Hopefully that is all it will take to resolve any misunderstandings.

I was going to say ...."In my opinion the only thing that I could possibly see as "wrong" is not introducing your gf", but you did! So....from the sounds of it there is some insecurity on her part. Acknowledge her feelings and open up a dialogue on how she would have handled it. If she says avoid her, I would ask how that could have realistically been done given it was a party and a family one at that. Calmly explain to her exactly what you did to us.. From what I can tell you put in a lot of thought in order to prevent what you are now dealing with and to clue your gf in on this thought process is important. Maybe it will ease her mind, but remember it isn't your job to prevent insecurity but to make choices that enhance the security of your relationship.

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