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Am I even in a relationship

Published on March 16, 2014 by itsmetorii

Hi my name is Victoria and I've been talking to this guy for probably 3 or more years and everything is good, we share many similar interest and we make each other happy. Also I live in Canada and he lives in England so this has been an online relationship.... I know what your think, what is she doing. Well the thing is, is that we love each other, we care for each other, he makes me laugh and he's always there for me. were even intimate with each other. But that's the problem, whenever we do something intimate online he always takes so long to like message me the next day and talk to me after. Sometimes I would wait a week for him to message me and say hey. I don't know if he's busy or watever but It makes me feel like he's uses me sex. In my heart I know he would never do that and he's probably just busy with his job (he always tells me) but at the same time I feel like I'm being used....

I guess my question is: is he using me only for the sex? Annnnnd should I just talk to him and tell him how I feel?


As a YourTango expert that specializes in the dating ritual, I have to give you my honest opinion. I would love to have a positive comment to share but I am all for pointing out things that others may not consider...even if they are not so positive in nature.

Based on his behavior, and considering that this "relationship" has been strictly online, I would question whether or not he is married. If it has been three years and he hasn't taken the steps to see you in person, send for you to come and visit him or keeps in contact with you on a regular is highly likely that he is formally attached to someone.

When a man actually considers himself in a relationship, he will make it known. In the meantime, if you have been satisfied with the way things are...chances are, he has no desire to change the status quo. According to my philosophy of The 5 Phases of in a perpetual Phase 2 cycle with him (Dating, but not committed). If you are happy with this arrangement, then by all means continue. But if what you want is an honest and true relationship with a man that is willing to acknowledge you, it may be time for you to consider someone a little closer to home AND that you can reach out and actually touch.

For more information on The 5 Phases of Dating, you can go to

To your dating success...


Dear itsmetorii,

If this relationship is only online and you've never met, and you're not even in the same country, state or city to be near each other, how can you "know that he would never do that"? How can you be 100% positive of anything he does or says?

It's the perfect scenario for him to get some extra action on the side and you would never know. The sad thing is you're so sweet and trusting and he's probably playing on your heart strings to keep you involved.

I would trust your gut and focus your sights on dating someone you can actually see and touch in person.