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Am I doomed to be single? Or, would you date this guy?

Published on November 2, 2009 by imatoon

Just a little information first.

I am 41 year old, computer tech, that lives with his mother....

Why, seems never to be an important issue to others.. ie women.... they just make up their minds, some crack a joke... One even suggested I not tell people I live with my Mom... then they stop answering my calls or it just fizzles out...

But it is not what they think, why I live with my Mom....

I live with my mother to help take care of her, like she did with my sisters and I, when our Dad left. Though she can walk and stuff like that, she broke her back when she was in her 50's and now in her late 60's she needs help. We grew up on a Hobby Farm, with land, and allot of out buildings. It takes allot of work to keep the forests from taking back over. Because she is an Irish American, getting her off this land is not in the cards. Period. My sister's are married and have children, families of their own. I, on the other hand, took the road less traveled and, well, traveled. I moved away at 17 and really never came back.

I have lived everywhere, experienced allot, and generally liked my life. I didn't like being in a war zone, but, I made it through unscathed... I didn't like the constant loneliness of being a stranger in a strange land, but, I am an explorer on the inside and that comes with the territory. Not a bad life, some downs, but some ups as well and allot of fine people in between.

Then came the call. My family needs help with Mom, and they do not have the time to help her. Brother, please, come back home and help. You get the picture.

I didn't even think about it, I changed everything, quit my job, and moved home to the place I have been avoiding since I left at 17. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but I didn't like the 'hater' quality I find in my own hometown and the world called too me... So I left. Now I am back. It has had it's ups and downs, like everything in life... It is never easy living with a parent, at 17, or at 40... but this is my responsibility and too 'not' help is not an option. And yes, the same closed minded people are still around the area, but as I got older I found their opinions only seemed to hurt them, not me. So here I am...

40+ Teddy Bear type. Very much my own person... I hear allot from other people I am a true renaissance man, I love too learn, and to do many things. I tend to do them pretty well - gadz - sounds arrogant - sorry no other way to say I like me. I am artistic. I have a love of photography, and people say I have talent. I play the classical guitar, and flamenco music... I actually make them, as well - The craftsmanship fulfills the need to create that computer support does not have. I am very, very, self realized. There is nothing in the house, or work place, I can not fix... It just seems to come naturally too me. It is why I am a successful computer technician. I am not awkward in crowds... I tend to gather people around me because I tell funny, and deep/poignant, stories, although, I recharge among solitude, and, a small group of heart felt friends is more appealing to me than a crowd of admirers. I am a bit brooding (aren't all thinkers?), smart, funny, but, honestly - never seem to stay in the shallow side of the pool so to speak... that can be a pain, but, I try too keep it relative to the situation.... I can talk to anyone, almost, about what ever they want to talk about, and love too listen to them... man/woman/or otherwise ... I love people, and find them experatingly fascinating.

And now, I am utterly, and seemingly, absolutely, alone.... In a way I have never been...

I am the butt of the joke in the latest Bruce Willis movie. I have made the right decisions for the right choices, and the cost it seems, is too have all woman walk away....

I was never pretty... I literally look like Grizzly Adams.. a big teddy bear of a guy, but that is fine as rain, it never bothered me, and it never bothered my lady friends. I trim the beard, bath regularly - know how to do my own laundry correctly so the whites are white and the blacks don't fade.

Yet, now, since I been living with my Mom (and yes, I pay her rent)... it has been like walking thirsty in a desert, going on 3 years... I am worried that if I even get a sniff of sweet water (if you get my drift) I am going to go all puppy dog - a thing I really really hate to see and dread even more. Am I doomed...

I do NOT intend to live my life in quiet desperation, but, it is starting to smell like desperation around here... Ladies, give me some hope...

ANSWERS

You know, I've known women who dated men in this situation. I think that this situation is an easy cop out. where are you meeting these women? I think its time to try a new place. Also, maybe your obligations to your mom aren't letting you be as active as you used to be and thus you are meeting less women.

You sound like an awesome guy, and people who have never been in your situation can not fully understand the scope of what you're doing. People (or women) who have never had to care for their parents or grandparents or don't have strong family bonds simply won't understand, but women who have, see you as been admirable. So many people would rather throw their parents or grandparents into nursing homes and only visit on holidays so they don't have to "deal with" them..and to me, that is disgusting behavior. The same women who have rejected you, are probably the same ones who complain about "all the good ones are taken." There has to be hope!

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