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Give Advice: My Husband Cheated With My Sister. Is It My Fault?

Published on August 16, 2011 by little red

My husband and I were having marital problems, we were the parents of 2 young toddlers.  My kid sister was always getting herself into minor trouble and would always end up staying at our house.  My husband and I were not getting along very well, and things had gotten pretty bad, so we had separated yet again, but we always seemed to find our way back to each other.  Well this time while we were separated my kid sister (who was well aware of our problems, and was actually part of the problem, because my husband did not want her staying with us all the time, but I would always take her in).  Anyways, my sister and my husband got together and had sex, and took some pretty disgusting sex pictures and left them in my pocket book for me to find.  My husband and I reconcilled, but I could not get over the fact that he had sex with my sister, so we have separated for good.  Good riddance.  Now the problem, my sister wants to blame me for her having sex with my husband because I put her in the middle of our fight.  I would like to have a relationship with my sister, but I will not and cannot accept the blame for her having sex with my husband.  Who is to blame?????

ANSWERS

It's not about the blame game. We won't be able to say exactly what could be the possible reasons to result in something like that because the information we have is very limited. But I think that your sister probably have some deep seated issues that she needs addressing. As for your husband, I think he had sex with your sister and left pictures in an attempt to be spiteful and maybe hurt you because he was also being hurt. It was clearly a cry for help. I believe you did the right thing by leaving because although I don't think he had sex with her out of desire or anything of the sort, I think that the act itself was a deal breaker and that a line was crossed. What you need to do now is let go of what happened. Understand that, regardless of what happened prior to that, the act and outcome was not your fault. Forgive your husband. It's very important in the interest of your children that you remain on civil terms with him. Forgive your sister as well because people make mistakes and sometimes act out when dealing with things in their life that they don't know how to respond to. Also, I think your sister would need counselling. Having sex with your brother-in-law is bad. But knowing the situation and conspiring by taking pictures when you know both husband and wife are vulnerable is taking it to a whole new level.

You are definitely not to blame. That is for certain. No matter what your sister says, she and your husband are to blame! Completely! They were both adults. They both knew it was wrong. They both did it anyway. Regardless of what you did or said to your sister and your husband, there is no version of this story in which you would ever be the blame. None. Not now. Not ever.

Yes! You and your husband are a team and need to work out your issues, instead, you ignored his wishes, disrespected him, judged him, and rejected him. Of course he was an ass for sleeping with your sister, and then leaving you the pics. I'm guessing your sex was pretty plain vanilla, and your sister was much more erotic ("disgusting"?).

This is a number one complaint of husbands, and you ignored it.

Congratulations on destroying your family. Enjoy the wreckage. I'll bet your next marriage is the same!

I can't believe that your husband would knowlingly and deliberatley leave these pictures for you to see. Obviously he wanted out of the relationship and didn't have the guts to tell you. And that is not a sister. Blood or no blood. Not even a friend actually! Maybe you had other relations with another guy and he is getting you back? If not, there is no reason for both of them to behave this way. Your sister's blaming you only shows one thing. That she is a child who needs to grow up and stop blaming everyone for her problems. Nothing more. Your sister's jealousy of your relationship( I know, SICK) is probably what caused her to attempt to destroy it. But, the fact that you are even considering that you might be to blame suggests that you may have done something also. Is there anything you missed? In any case, a couple may be having problems in their relationship and break up for a while and get back together but, until the word is out that the you are officially broken up for good, people should keep their hands and business out of it.

I think you share a serious level of blame here. You ARE to blame for not respecting your husbands wishes in regards to your sister and I'm sure that was not the only issue. I sincerely think that we're getting only one side of the story here. If you two were separated, did you two agree to see other people? At the same time, your sister had no right to sleep with your husband and your husband should have known better than to sleep with her. The leaving the pics in your wallet was extremely catty and immature as well. Quite honestly I think all 3 of you are a bunch of fools and that all of you need to grow up and get some help.

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