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Am I being too paranoic?

Published on June 27, 2010 by jay_jay

So, here's the deal: I'm in the military, and last april I met a very sweet guy at the base bar. We're in different branches (I'm navy, he's marine), but we just fell head over heels for each other right away. A month after we met, he proposed me! No joke; he bought a very expensive diamond ring to me (right in front of my eyes) and gave it to me one day asking me to marry him in the future (probably in a few years after we rank up a little bit more and have more money). I told him I would think about it, and he took that answer as a yes. I'm getting crazy in over this man, yet I feel is too soon for that. The fact that he proposed me too soon makes me think he could be a stalker, but at the same time I don't see anything suspicious about him. In fact, he seems more suited for me than my previous relationship (a short marriage; to another military guy that I met when I was a civilian, back in college) because his family really likes me, unlike my previous inlaws (who were constantly waiting until the day I could divorce their spoiled son because they hated me so much and love their overprotected son so much). Plus, this guy really loves kids and I want to have some kids after I do my sea tour at the beginning of next year. The only thing that makes me back up a little bit is that this is happening too soon and I don't want another failed relationship. Because of our jobs, our PCS are going to be just a few miles apart, so the distance won't be a big deal, but I'm still concern about this flash romance. Any advice?

ANSWERS

First of all, congratulations on your engagement. You don't know if it's a flash romance or the real deal until you spend more time together. Many couples get engaged quickly and end up happily married. Others get engaged quickly and it doesn't work out. My suggestion is to give it time and look at your engagement period as a courtship period. Take time to get to know your fiance and decide if he's the real deal and if your feelings can last through multiple seasons. A long engagement is definitely in order. If it doesn't work out, don't feel badly. Return the ring and move on knowing you gave this relationship a chance.

If you're suspicious, there's a problem. And not necessarily with him. Could be you're just not ready and that's why you're suspicious. Regardless, unless the suspicions go away, I'd not commit. He may be the most perfect man in the world but if you're not ready all you'll do is make both of you miserable and it's not fair to him.

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