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Am I being too needy?

Published on February 3, 2010 by armylove_1218

I have two children and my significant other has one. We usually will talk to each an hour or two daily. But recently, it feels like he has put me on the back burner for his daughter which I should be happy that he gets to spend time with her but now, we talk VERY briefly and some days, not at all. I used to talk to him about how his day was but recently, he says he has to go to bed early since he's picking his daughter up EXTRA early the next day and I don't even get to tell him how much I miss him or want to be with him. I found out earlier that i probably won't see him for the next couple of weeks but then he has army stuff for two weeks in a row and will be gone. He also has the chance of being deployed any minute and I want to spend as much time with him since he will be gone again for another year or so. Is it bad that I want to keep his attention on me when I myself have two small children or is it slightly normal? Or am I just being a needy self absorbed person? Please help me. Thanks

ANSWERS

no your not being needy self asorbed you just want a bit off attention and for him to spend time with you and his two children he has with you i also have partner with kid with someone else and me the same and one off his on the way wish he didnt sometimes as he is trying so hard to see him lots and i get kicked to the back. you just need to sit down talk to him and tell him how you feel. and hope he will be understanding maybe plan a few little day trips for just you him and his two children you have with him hope that helps a bit

I think it's normal that you want his attention, but I think you shouldn't compete with his daughter. If I were about to be deployed, I would want to spend every minute possible with my children.

I think you should talk to him very nicely about wanting to see him at least once before he leaves and wanting to talk to him. She can come first and still have some time for you.

Can you talk to him on the phone earlier in the day for a shorter time? Can you e-mail or text each other? Can you be together with your children, too?

I think if you're stressing about not talking to him for 1-2 hours a day every single day, then yes, you're being too needy. The bottom line is that you will never be as important to him as his daughter. And you will never get as much attention from him as she does (at least not until she's older). This is normal because he's a father and his kid needs his attention and care. Don't smother him, you're acting like it's a 'choose me or your daughter' situation and in that case you're just setting yourself up to lose him for good. If he can be deployed at any moment, he probably feels the same way about spending time with his daughter that you do about spending time with him. If he could end up being away from both of you at any moment, she has an equal right, if not more so to his time than you do. Have you ever met his daughter? Maybe you should suggest the 3 of you spend time together. Or even bring your kids along to for an outing. Be patient with him and understanding of his situation. I'm sure he wants to spend time with you too. Talk to him about working out a date night once or twice a week away from the kids. I think that's reasonable. But craving his attention everyday when he has other responsibilities, not so much.

You have to realize that his first commitment is to his daughter. Before he started dating you, he was a dad. But you also have to realize, you are not in competition with her. The love he has for you and her are two different things. Support him in his love for her and encourage him and you'll find that the two of you will grow closer. But as long as you view it as a battle between you and her you will loose.

Support him. Don't whine. You can tell him you miss him, but essentially you need to encourage him as he spends time with his daughter.

thanks everyone. everything that was said makes sense and it really helped. I talked to him and I'm trying not to be that needy anymore. I have never dated anyone that had a kid before and I guess I'm just not use to it just yet. It weird. Anyways, I have to go. Thanks again everyone. :)

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