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Give Advice: Am I Controlling Or Is He Too Flirtatious?

Published on March 6, 2012 by hazelz

Hello, I am trying to understand if I am the one who is being overly sensitive or if my boyfriend is not being understanding with me. My boyfriend and I are doing long distance relationship, due to school,we get along very well,and we love each other. But we have come to an impasse,November last year he went to a party and took pics with a girl on his lap(who he used to fool around with), another one on the couch pretending to be sleeping and the girls have posted them on Facebook. I was very upset and we talked about it and he apologized. I told him it was disrespectful to him, to me, and to the relationship. Few days ago he went to another party and took almost the same pictures but this time,they were 3 girls,and he thinks since those girls didn't have any history with him, and no one is naked, or anything out of the ordinary, i should be okay with those pictures. He knows I am not controlling, and I don't mind him hanging out with girls, and we even comment on girls,i am not really the jealous type, but for some reason those kind of pictures for me are not okay, and they portray lack of seriousness/respect in my opinion. Just to specify those pictures are always on the other people's profile,not his profile but they tag him. He said, it feels like I am taking his freedom away, and now he doesn't know how to take pictures with girls,if he should be standing,or sitting,and he doesn't see how he would tell someone not to sit on his lap if they just want to take a picture. Honestly, I am being a bad girlfriend? For me it sounds pretty simple, i go out all the time, and most of my friends are guys, however those kind of pictures cant be taken,i cant let it happen. Thank you for your input


You are right. My husband would be very upset if I took a picture on someone's lap. Also, while my husband and I were dating/in college, he didn't allow girls on his lap in the first place. There is a boundary that is set once someone gets into an exclusive relationship. If he wants his freedom, he should be single. There are plenty of guys that go out, have a good time and don't cross the line. Also, just because they are not on his profile doesn't mean anything, the fact that he put himself in the position is the problem. If he doesn't know how to take a picture with a girl, then he shouldn't take pictures with them at all. The best way to take a photo with a girl is to stand beside them, hands to yourself and bodies not touching. It makes you comfortable and it makes the photo a lot less incriminating! :-) If you don't mind me asking, why is he still hanging out with a girl he used to mess around with? OH AND, it is simple to tell someone not to sit on his lap...just get up and take the picture. If they insist on sitting on his lap.."I'm not comfortable with that. I have a girlfriend and it is inappropriate for you to sit on my lap." Simple.

Uh, why does he go to parties without you? If he's partying, he sees himself as single.

He's acting like a 14 year old boy? Were his parents overly strict growing up? Now he thinks he's being a big man. Give him some time. Hopefully he grows up sooner than later.

He goes to parties without me,because we are attending different colleges right now.

He thinks that since they are just friends there is no problem at all,but the first picture with the other girl he used to fool around with was not okay since they had history.He also said that if it was jealousy he would understand a little bit,but since i think its a respect issue he doesnt get it.Moreover,he asked his friend and they told him the same thing. But he said he wont take those pictures again,but i wish he would understand where i am coming from!