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The "age" thing...

Published on September 9, 2012 by evesmn

Just turned 55 today... sigh... Having been an athlete all my life, I took at least 10 years younger and is considered a pretty woman. Yet, on the dating scene (and websites), I want to be honest and tell the truth about my age. I just want to meet someone with a + or - 3 years difference. As a rule, I only get the attention of 30 year-old or 60++ guys. Is that the way it is going to be? Is there something I do not understand?

ANSWERS

This is one of the things I hate about online dating: it makes people into commodities. The process becomes similar to buying a car. What are the features? Check-check-check. I have a lot of women friends in their 50s whose self-esteem plummets for months whenever they date online.

You are more than your age. There are women half your age that don't have your confidence and vitality. But online dating is not a good place for middle-aged women to shine.

For one, the male-female ratio online really drops by age 40s and 50s. And imagine the quality of the guys! (If you've been reading Your Tango comments, you know that half the complaints are "My husband has a profile on dating sites" or "My boyfriend of three years is chatting with other women.")

Second, as of last census 1,900,000 (95%) marriages in America came through family, friends, place of worship, or workplace--not online.

Face to face, I would say it's no one's business how old you are. I would just smile and refuse to answer.

If you can, be less specific about your age - say, "late middle aged", instead of "55" If you meet someone and things go well enough after several dates that you thing the relationship may have hopes for the longer term, do be honest about your age, as deception is never a good foundation for a relationship. He's gotten a chance to know you by then. If that isn't more important to him than your calendar age, you don't want him anyway.

Best bet would be to try to meet available men through venues that let them meet you in person first (rather than online, where you get filtered out by age). Volunteering for a cause you believe in would be a good choice, as would activities centered around some interest or hobby you have.

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