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9 months with boyfriend, but only see him once a week

Published on September 10, 2012 by karbrain

My boyfriend and I are both 60 yrs. old and both of us haven't had a relationship for awhile(me, 7 yrs. him, 2 years) I'm divorced, he's never been married (but has had long term relationships...he's a freelance film editor and I'm a recently retired school teacher..if we see each other more, I'm the one who asks for it. I'd like to see him more (and he knows it), and I don't want to push it and come across as demanding or clingy...we do love each other and we talk every day, but should I expect more or just let it flow? He is currently working on a film that requires a lot of time, so I'm being patient and exploring creative activites on my own and plan on subbing in schools. But I can't help but feel he's controlling the pace, and I'm missing him after a couple of days without him. Thoughts?

ANSWERS

If a man's 60 years old, never married, and not gay, then I can guarantee he's quite used to doing things his own way. I seriously doubt he will change at this point, and I'd be amazed if he has any interest in marriage. If you can live with this, great, but if you can't, find someone else.

You two aren't compatible in how much time you like to spend together. I've been in your shoes several times in the past, when I was singe and dating. It's frustrating and unfulflilling. Sorry, but even if you love each other, your happiness doesn't lie with him. By this point in time, I'd think that you'd spend 2 or 3 days together. I am now married to a man who, from the very first week together, planned get togethers with me 2 or 3 days a week. We are compatible in all the major ways, including time spent together, and I can tell you I'm 100% happier with him than those past guys, and that's why I married him.

My suggestion is to find a guy compatible with you in all the major ways. I turned down guys when I was single, when I knew they wouldn't have the time for me that I desired. Either they had small children, lived a good distance away, were workaholics, or were very independent and didn't want to spend more than once a week together. Since my children are grown, I really wanted a person who would spend a lot of time with me. I kept cutting loose the ones who didn't make the grade until I found "the one." You should do the same. Take care.

not that easy to just find someone else...remember, we're 60, not 30 somethings. We have so much in common, from music to reading, astronomy to foods we like...and fantastic sexual chemistry. It's the time, time, time factor...do I just let it flow at his pace...or play hard to get, or what?

There are activities where older age groups meet that you may not know about. Look on the internet and try meetups.com, and see if there are activity groups for people in your age group that meet in your area. When I was single, there were a few groups that met for people over the age of 45. I used to go swing dancing (jitterbug), and there were people of all ages going to these dances. Try googling East Coast Swing dances in your city. In my city, I know that seniors meet for ballroom dancing once a week, and there are also older people who meet for tango lessons and dancing. Look in your local newspaper for senior get-together listings, as well.

Why not take dance lessons? If you start filling your time with activities where you can meet others and have fun, it will at least fill your time without your man, and you may find that you might meet a man your age who ends up having a lot more time for you.

I don't know what you're doing in your once a week date. I'll just assume that maybe you eat dinner together and then have sex. And then you don't spend the night together, and you don't spend 2 or 3 days together, even though you two are semi-retired. So he's getting what he wants, brief companionship for one day a week with his weekly fix of sex, and you're getting 6 days a week of boredom and loneliness. The good doesn't outweigh the bad here. Keep on dating him, but join other activities like I suggested, and you may see that there are more men your age around, when you expand your activities. And if he only asks you out on Friday's, yes, I may suggest that you tell him you made plans with a friend for that night, and maybe he'll step up to the plate if he thinks you're getting bored with his way of doing things. If he sees you enjoying life without him, and he cares, maybe he'll make some good changes. The best way to change someone else's behavior is to change your own. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

boy, are you right on with what you wrote...just started doing this...meetup group for writing, going to art exhibits, poetry readings, and tango lessons!!...and you're right...I need to do what I have to do (although to have him join me once in awhile would make me happy...even though I ask sometimes, he never wants to go)...I will continue on and see what happens...I'll let you know..thanks for the tips and encouragement...

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