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5 year relationship but wanting to be single?

Published on December 26, 2013 by anna1010

Dear Your Tango,

I am 19 years old turning 20 soon and I have been dating my boyfriend for about 5 years now. We started dating in grade 9 and now we re both in college and still togeather. I have come to a point where I am curious about other guys, my boyfriend is the first and only guy I have ever been with. I feel my boyfriend and I are like an "old married couple" and this scares me because I am only 19 I don't want to settle down yet. I feel like I am missing out on a whole section of my life when I listen to all my single friends. And I have now become curious about being single and meeting other people. But I feel my boyfriend is someone I could marry down the road, but I am not ready yet. What should I do?

Sincerely, confused.


I think I see what you are getting at. You are trying to figure out who you are and if this guy you are with is the one for you. Welcome to the club. I also am getting a hint of a lack of passion in your relationship. Some people only have one partner for their entire life. It's not a bad thing. You have to ask yourself what do you want out of your life. It sounds like you want to meet new people and try new things rather than have another man have sex with you. If sexual experience is what you want, propospsitioning 9 out of 10 guys for sex will get you laid. At the same time, getting laid is not the same as having a deeply connected relationship.

I think you need to reevaluate your relationship with this guy, identify what you want out of your life, and identify where you plan to go in the near future.

Being around new people is perfectly normal. It all depends on what you want. You don't have to settle down with this guy right now. Be aware that if you break up with your boyfriend to be "single," you cannot expect him to wait for you to figure things out. He has his own life to lead. At least right now, you two are walking together. If you want more out of your relationship with him, you have to communicate that effectively. If you want to date other guys articulate that to him. This is a touchy topic because I can really see how you are struggling to develop yourself into a competent young professional woman and keep the secure relationship you've established with this guy. There is a way to get both. Communication is the key.

I would like to suggest that you get the "The Power of Two.",it is a real book that goes into the nuts and bolts of relationship communications. It has helped me be able to articulate with my ex wife better and give me the tools to protect myself

I am excited for you because this is such an adventurous time that will never come again for you because it will shape you into the woman you want to become. I hope this helps.