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Give Advice: Help! I'm 25 And Still A Virgin

Published on January 2, 2012 by confused in california

As the title says I am 25 and still a virgin. This worries me and not just from a peer pressure standpoint. I don't know if I should continue saving myself. I want experience sex but only with somebody I really care about. Problem is I get so nervous and apprehensive about dating and I think it's my trepidation about sex that is causing it as well as my fear of ridicule for being a virgin. Please help!

ANSWERS

You are not alone. Have you checked the latest statistics? Virginity is becoming more common and the average age of marriage has risen to 26 for women and 28 for men.

Do a search for the Yaho* article: Are teens really holding off on having sex?

I have not read that I'm going to do so now. In my home town virgins were ridiculed something that surprised me in such a conservative area. What made matters worse is that everyone knew everyone. Google bishop ca and you will see how small it is. I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. The fear of ostracization is still present as it became part of everyday life back then.

Casually date many people. Overcome your fear of being in a relationship first. If you are not ready for a dating relationship, then you already know you're not ready for sex. Become comfortable flirting, and going on get-to-know you dates first. (Dating doesn't mean you have to jump right into bed with someone, it means going on lots of dates to get to know different people to see if ANY of these people are compatible for you, first.) When you find someone special, then they will meet you halfway, and when you're both ready it will be a special experience.

If you are worried about what other people think about whether you are a virgin, or not, then work on getting in touch with what your beliefs and values are that guide you to make decisions--it will set you up for success not just in your personal life, but professionally as well. Work on strengthening what your personal beliefs are and what character means to you.

The more you are able to find confidence within yourself, the less important it will be that others' opinions of you matter. Have you thought of the situation differently? If you let others' opinions matter more than your own preferences, then you may rob yourself of finding the special person you're looking for to share your first sexual experience together.

When you are in a relationship, sex is just one small aspect of it--when you're looking for compatibility make sure they challenge you to grow in all four areas: intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. As you get to know yourself better, which is what you do when you're in a healthy relationship, then intimacy will naturally follow as you want to share and know each other more on a deeper level.

Reading articles, working with someone on a 1-to-1 level to identify what it is you want like with a Mars Venus coach, or taking eWorkshops on John Gray, PhDs, relationship material may help you to understand yourself and how to find that special someone better. Any time you seek more understanding, and you follow this up with learning tangible skills (assertive communication, goal setting, conflict resolution, etc.)--your relationships will get better, because you are actively working at getting better.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd Mars Venus Coaching Corporate Media Relations

If you suspect your nervousness has a hand in thwarting your dating efforts, it might be worth it to talk to someone and get to the bottom of why you're wary. Some therapists offer reduced rates for multiple sessions, and if you're a college student, many colleges offer counseling programs for current students and alumni on the cheap or free.

I don't think your virginity is the issue. Whatever is rattling in your head space that is causing this anxiety is where the trouble lies.

If you're not down for talk therapy, consider keeping a journal and talking yourself through your feelings on paper. And in the meantime, who cares what people say? Your sex life is YOUR business. People don't need to know what you're doing or not doing in your personal life.

You're not alone. In fact you are in the middle of the growing trend of the past 10 years. I think men and women are waiting due to concerns about incurable STDs and the need to get a good education in order to make it through life. Plus they want someone who is mature, strong, and confident to be with. Too many women are needy, clingy, and irresponsible under the age of 25.

Best wishes.

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