Asked by AlenaDenese on
I need everyones opinion please!
My boyfriend and i have dated a total of 12 months (1 year) and we are currently are going on 6 months. The reason why we are going on 6 months is because we broke up 3 times and got back together 4. I have some concerns. This morning i wasnt feeling good at all and we were going to school and it takes 20 min. to get there. I heard him talking about me so i turned my ipod down to listen. This is his exact words "Whenever i have little conversations with someone else, she ALWAYS gets mad but she can text other people?" It was said pretty harshly.. Another thing. He always says how he wants me forever but.. he just tried dumping me twice in 2 weeks? Does he really want me? My point is.. we talked about a promise ring.. and i heard him talking about that too. His friend said " I really dont think you should get it for her because next year you guys are going to break up" (yes we are in eighth grade..) All my boyfriend would say was " Yeah.." So?? WTF. I thought about it and.. i dont want to be commited. And i dont think i want that ring anymore. Idk if im happy with him or not. I have no clue what to do or if i really care anymore. I want to end things but then again i dont. Im not sure what to do and would it be ok if i just shut my phone off so i cant text him?? I want to see how much he would really care if he lost me. I went home sick from school today and i didnt tell him so im sure hes wondering where i am. Plus, i feel like my friends dont care about me at all. Im not sure what to do and i need every piece of advice you can give me. Ask questions if you need to. Thank you
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Don't wrap up your whole world in what he is thinking. You have a mind of your own. Do something nice for yourself today. It sounds like your heart is on an emotional ride and your self esteem has taken a downturn. You made the decision to leave without telling him. That was your decision. He'll be alright. As a matter of fact, he will be just fine. Now's the time to stick to your guns and carry out the plan of leaving him alone for a while. Maybe you need to be alone with your thoughts. Nevermind what he needs right now. He can take care of himself. He'll be there when you get back to school, unless he's leaving on a journey, which I doubt. To pass the time,and get your mind off of the whole thing, do something fun. Write down your future goals. Have fun thinking about how you would like to achieve those goals. It's nice to have feelings for a boy, but, you don't have to lose your identity in the process. If you feel your friends don't care about you, try caring about yourself. It's an important lesson that you will always need. Try not to pity yourself. Think about what you're good at, not what stinks in life. Everybody's good at something.
You're in 8th grade which makes you 13 or 14. At your age and stage of life, it's very common to be switching around relationships frequently, friendships as well as boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. You're in the process of separating from your parents' way of thinking and doing things and figuring out who you are and who you want to be for yourself-- it's a delightful time as well as a painful and awkward one.
The most important thing as far as your boyfriend is to decide how you feel about him. Does he make you feel safe and supported? Do you like who you are when you are around him? If you don't feel supported or you feel like you need to be someone else when you are around him, then it may not be the right relationship for you. Relationships ideally ought to bring out the best in us; our partners ought to treat us well and make us want to treat them well.
Now, your boyfriend may be upset or resentful if he feels hemmed in by you. You both ought to be free, even in a committed relationship, to have other friends and talk to other people. Jealousy from either of you is not a good thing. Think about it this way, preventing each other from contacting others won't prevent cheating, it will just make it necessary to lie about even innocent contact. A good person, a person you want to be with, won't cheat on you just because they have the opportunity to. If a person is going to cheat, it's a character flaw and they're going to indulge in it whether you allow them to talk to other girls or not.
All that said, some relationships end because they've simply run their course. If you don't seem to fit well together anymore or you resent each other, then it may be time to move on. Realistically, you will have a lot of short-lived relationships throughout your life where you either don't fit well together or the relationship just naturally fizzles out. It's a process of figuring out who you are and what you want in a partner and that takes time.
If you're having difficulties with your friends, you may be neglecting them to spend too much time with your boyfriend. I hate to say, but a lot of my time and energy has been spent trying to achieve balance-- how much time to spend with my friends and how much alone time to spend with my significant other. It's definitely important to be able to spend some time just hanging out with your girlfriends without your boyfriend in tow. It may also benefit you to make some new friends, and get involved with some activities that would let you meet kids from other schools.